


Make My Day

by Tilly_Madison



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A/B/O, All the movies, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha Peggy Carter, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bottom Steve, Bottom Steve Rogers, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Omega Angie, Omega Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Smutt, Top Bucky Barnes, War, all the movies from buckys point of view, pre-war stucky, some form of smut, un-betaed, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tilly_Madison/pseuds/Tilly_Madison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky saw him across the dance hall and he had no idea what asking for a dance would get him. He would fall in love, go to war and loose everything. But even with all of that he still gets back to Steve.<br/>(Follows before and through current movies)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Make My Day

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will include pre-war, CATFA, CAWS, CACW, Black Panther and eventually Infinty Wars  
> If you didn't read the tags this is a ABO fic so yeah, read if you want!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky saw him across the hall checking his coat and he just knew that, in this night at the dance hall he would have to at least get one word out of him and if he was lucky a dance. And he was lucky.

A shiver ran down Buckys back as he slowly made his way into the dance hall, the smell of sweat and spilt alcohol hit him in the face like it had never before. He walked down halls following signs aiming towards the alpha coat check, something he wouldn’t have normally needed to go to but this was the night where it had finally snapped and the incoming feel of winter had finally come. He shrugged his coat from his shoulders smiling brightly at the red headed alpha who was working the booth and popping gum while she moved slowly to grab a hanger where his coat would be hung. 

Bucky couldn’t help but lean against the ledge as he waited, knowing the girl was going to take her time putting his coat away probably going through his pockets to see if there was anything worth keeping. But his eyes were suddenly focused on the sound of a bright laugh from the omega coat check which was across the hall and separated by a sheet of glass. 

The laugh came from a gal who Bucky would have been instantly drawn to if it wasn’t for the man next to her his arm looped threw hers as they waited for her coat to be checked. His small body shaking slightly due the cold that was still clinging to his skin, his cheeks flushed a beautiful pink that seemed to match the same pink tinge that his lips held. No matter what Bucky did he couldn’t drag his eyes from him, not even when the alpha came back popped her gum right next to his ear and slid his ticket to him. 

The more he stared at him all he could think was that he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. That getting to speak just word to him would make his day, but if he got one dance with him it would make his year. He was truly the most beautiful thing Bucky had ever seen. 

Turning quickly to grab the ticket and slide a dollar to the girl, he moved through the double doors into the dance hall. The smell of perfume, alcohol and sweat hit him solidly in the chest, along with the sheer amount of people filling the room and twirling round dancing along to the live music that crammed the whole hall with life. He scanned the room hoping to catch a glimpse of the blond hair catching the light coming from the small stage, but every blond he saw wasn’t the right one. They didn’t have the angular face or the bright blue eyes or the smart smirk that seemed fixed to his lips when Bucky had first seen him. 

He made slow progress towards the bar, hands running over his bare forearms and fingers dragging over the cut of his waist. Nothing less than normal, the feeling of strangers hands trying to entice him. Trying to get him to dance him them. Normally he would look at them see if they pulled him in with soft lips, beautiful faces and the softest of scents. But for the first time it seemed that nothing could pull his thoughts from the man he had seen earlier. 

Standing at the bar with his feet sticking to the floor, the wet wood touching his bare arms and his lips pulled into a smile, much unlike his normal smirk. Taking a drag from the bottle he had managed to get, he looked at the mirrored wall behind the bar still searching and finally catching the face of the girl that had been standing with him. The bright red of her lips and dress, making it much to easy to spot her in the crowd of faded yellows and deep browns of the busy hall. He watched as she looked behind her and dragged him through the tight space. He felt his eyes catch with him and his stomach flipped like it had when he had first kissed Mary Parsons when he was thirteen. 

He watched him nudge her, whisper in her ear and look at Bucky again. Her lips quirked into a smile and she shook her head, before moving away from the bar towards where Bucky was standing. Bucky let his eyes drop to the wet countertop and a sigh rush out of him. All he could think was that the girl was going to come over and warn Bucky away from her mate. That was something Bucky just felt like it was going to happen, he couldn’t help but think how perfect they looked together. Contrasting but so complimentary. 

Swallowing loudly and turning his head to face her as she leaned sideways against the bar, her eyes scanning his face and obviously picking up on the slight drop of his smile. Which didn’t help him make sense of her face brightening up and her smile getting wider. Nothing about what he was seeing made any sense to him. 

“I told him you weren’t looking at me.” She said, her voice soft yet holding strength in it. “Steve kept telling me that there was no way you would possibly look at him like that. That he was just standing in front of me and you were looking past him.” her eyes rolling as she spoke. Showing exactly what she thought of Steves explanation. 

Bucky couldn’t stop the happiness he was feeling at her words from spreading across his face, that there was a possibility that Steve liked him but didn’t think he was good enough. Smirking to himself and looking down at his shoes that were sticking the floor, he really couldn’t work out what Steve presented as and really he couldn’t bring himself to care what he was. Sure he may end up being ostracised for being in an alpha alpha relationship, but he could tell from just seeing Steve force an beta to leave an omega alone that he would be the strong one in any relationship. 

“So he isn’t your mate right?” Bucky asked, his eyes sticking to Steve. 

A loud laugh filled his ears and his eyes darted to the her, “No, not that I wouldn’t have minded.” her voice full of emotion, “He is the most perfect omega I had met, but sometimes there is just one who fits you better.” her eyes lowered and she smiled, showing that her heart really did belong to another. “I’m Peggy Carter.” she offered her hand and Bucky shook it. 

“Bucky Barnes.” he said back, letting his eyes dart up to Steve. Who looked completely confused at the fact that Peggy was so openly talking and interacting with him, Bucky couldn’t help but smile at him and had to bite his lip at Steve looking on either side of himself to see who he could be smiling at. Then watched as a frown fixed itself on his face as he started to try and make his way through the crowd to get near them. 

Peggy rolled her eyes and muttered, “If he is frowning at you; he is going to either shout at you, try and fight you or possibly both.” She took a sip of the beer that had suddenly appeared next to her hand. “If you are interested in him, do not treat him like an omega. He will break your nose for that.” 

Blinking at her with a fair amount of shock, he took a deep breath and a sip of the on tap beer, he had finally been able to get, when a hand grabbed him by the sleeve and spun him round. Half of the beer was spilt down his chest and he just looked down at his now stained white shirt. It wasn’t his only one, but it was the one he had managed to keep completely clean and in near perfect condition. Bucky realised pretty quick there wasn’t much he could do and downed the rest of his drink before he faced the person that had caused him to loose most of his beer. 

Blue eyes were wide staring at his shirt, “It’s okay, buy me a beer and we’re even.” he said at Steve, leaning close and saying it so he could hear exactly what he was saying. Hands hit him on the chest making the wet fabric stick firmly to his chest, and he was forced back so he was leaning on the bar. Peggy was giving both of them dirty looks, obviously unsure of what Bucky had said or why Steve had reacted that way. But the way her eyes seemed to fix on Steve Bucky could only guess that she knew that it was something to do with Steve. 

Breathing out sharply through her nose, “Steven Grant Rogers.” her eyes fierce and Bucky couldn’t look away from them even though they weren’t focused on him. “Did he say something derogatory to you?” Bucky watched Steve shake his head. “Did he say something sexual?” again he shook his head. “So you just shoved him for no reason.” Steves mouth open and closed as if he was trying to think of the reason he had done it, “Don’t even try to talk your way out of it Steven.” 

Bucky ran his hand through the back of his hair and looked Steve in the eyes, “If a beer is out of the question, I won’t even ask for a dance.” his voice as soft as it could be with the sheer noise that was surrounding them. Steve frowned at him and shoved him away from the bar, before flagging down the barman and ordering two beers, Peggy was smiling at Bucky. And he could only take that as good luck for whatever was going to happen tonight. 

He wrist was grabbed and he quickly gripped the bottle that was thrust into it, before Steve turned away and dragged Peggy out to the dance floor. Bucky could tell from just meeting Peggy that she would be rolling her eyes and smiling widely. He leant against the bar, and for the first time in forever he was ignoring every omega and beta that tried to talk to him. No matter how good they smelled to him, he had been completely enchanted by Steve. He watched as he stumbled and stepped on Peggys feet, making her laugh and Steves face screw up tighter. 

Closing his eyes and taking a sip of his beer, he felt a body press tight against his side. Grimacing he looked towards the body and found a rather pretty blonde beta, pressing herself against him and fluttering her eyes up at him. Any other night he would have talked to her, maybe taken her on a date, but now he couldn’t care for anything but Steve. Sighing softly he leans away from her, “Sorry, but I’m taken.” his eyes catching Steve glaring at him. Frowning slightly, he moved away from the bar. Feeling eyes following him round the room, he sat at a table that could easily sit three and leaned back to watch. 

Hands crashing down on the table and making his beer topple over, had him looking back up at Steves blue eyes with raised brows. Peggy moved so gracefully to sit in the seat to Buckys left and raised a foot up to start rubbing it. “If you are trying to make Peggy jealous, it won’t work.” Steve said through clenched teeth, “She is happily bonded and even if she weren’t you wouldn’t be her type.” Bucky couldn’t stop himself from staring at Steves lips as he talked, being completely taken in by the deep tone of his voice and the angles of his face. 

“I wasn't trying to her jealous.” Bucky said, turning to look at at Peggy, “I hope your feet are alright.” He laughs gently as Steve threw himself into the seat to his left. Turning so he could just see Steve, “Well since you bought me a beer, how about a dance?” He watched as Steve spluttered in his seat, looking anywhere but at the hand Bucky held out now that he stood in front of him. 

Eyes all around the room were on them, watching a small omega possibly turn down an alpha that most would love to just have a single dance with. Bucky bit down on his lip, because he knew he would normally be okay at being turned down for a dance but not if he was turned down by Steve. That was just something he didn’t think he would ever get over, he knew it seemed mad to be this hung up on another person so quickly. But it was really just something about Steve. 

What felt like hours slowly seemed to pass as Bucky stood hand outstretched, his eyes darting to Peggy just to see the expression on her face showing that se too had no idea what was going to happen. Closing his eyes and realising that Steve wasn’t going to take him up on it. He started to curl his fist up, so it could drop down to his side. He already knew he was going to move back to his seat, finish the beer Steve had got him and talk away the night with Steve and Peggy. Just trying to forget that this had ever happened. 

The the touch of a cool, calloused hand touched his and Bucky looked down at his hand. And there was Steves hand touching his and using it to stand up. Bucky moved so slowly pulling Steve towards the floor full of dancing couples and over Steves shoulder he sees Peggy with the most breath taking smile on her doll like face. 

Bucky went to pull Steve closer to dance but before he could even touch his waist, a sudden and very unexpected pain got up through his foot. Looking Steve straight in the eye, he was suddenly told, “I won’t apologise for standing on your feet, nor will I admit if it was on purpose or not.” A smirk crossed Steves face and Bucky had to physically stop himself from trying to kiss Steve. Because really this wasn’t the place or time. 

Smiling softly and listening to the music, he started to move across the dance floor. Guiding Steve along with him, smiling as he saw Steve keep looking down at his own feet and trip a few times. But not once did he step on Buckys feet, he did grab tightly onto Buckys shirt sleeve and inadvertently pulling himself closer to Bucky. Making the smell that was coming off of him all the more stronger, mixed with alcohol and sweat. Bucky dipped his head to the side and let out a deep breath, which was when Steve decided to step particularly hard down on his foot. Making Bucky whip his head so fast round to look at Steve, he was sure he could feel his brain hitting the inside of his skull. 

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Steves face, he seemed angry that Bucky had seemed to be less than interested in dancing with him. But that’s why Bucky suddenly twirled him round in a fast spin, which had Steve loosening up and his face looking completely surprised. Which really just captured Buckys eyes, darting all over it and a smile pulling so gently at his won lips that he really knew that Steve was it for him. 

The song was slowing as it came to its end, the instruments becoming quieter and people were moving so much slower around them. And even though Bucky knew it wasn’t happening, he was so sure the lights were dimming and all he could see was the sharp angles of Steves face softening as he seemed to finally enjoy dancing with him. 

He flicked his eyes up to try and find Peggy, just to see what she was thinking. But he found her still tucked into their table, but she had been joined by a just as beautiful woman. Their faces were so close and Peggy had her hand touching the wombs jaw, looking at her like she was the moon. The other woman eyes ere closed and her smile was so soft, just as Peggy brushed her rose red lips against hers Bucky looked away. Feeling like he was invading a very private moment even if it was happening in such a public place. 

The song started going into the next one, slow and soft. And all Bucky could do was pull Steve close and start to try and dance in slow circles. He could feel Steves shaky breath against his own chest, moving slowly and clenching Steves waist as Steve gripped his shoulder. For all that he could remember dancing had never been this intimate for him. He bit down repeatedly at his own lip, worrying it raw. A now warm hand touched the side of his neck and he turned to look at Steve, “Can we stop for a little?” Steve whispered, all the strength lost from his voice. His face much more flushed it should be from dancing and his chest moving much faster than Bucky knew was healthy. 

Looking round quickly Bucky grabbed Steves hand and moved as quickly as he felt was okay for Steve, for the exit. 

Once outside in the cold air, which was making his face flush and his body start to shake. He had forgotten how cold it was outside, he could see the snow that had fallen in the past hour building up. Looking at Steve who was leaning against the wall, his hand resting against it as he breathed slowly and puffs of warm air floated up from round head. 

He moved so he was leaning against the wall, right next to Steve. Which turns out wasn’t the best idea because Steve was standing upright faster than someone who only seconds ago could barely breathe and punched him pretty damn hard in the arm. Bucky sprang away cradling his arm where Steve had just punched it, but his face broke out into a smile when he saw the look of pride in Steves face at actually causing him some amount of pain. 

Leaning back against the wall, one leg kicked out in front of himself and chuckling to himself. Bucky just knew Steve was the most perfect person he had ever seen. He moved so he was standing right in front of him, looking down only a fraction so their were eyes locked. His whole was shaking, from the cold or the fact he was sure he could get another punch for what he was going to do. Placing his hands pretty high up on the wall he moved forward, so slowly he was boxing Steve in. His elbows touched the rough cold stone, the feeling of Steves soft warm breaths rushing across his skin and making his own breathing speed up. Leaning down, his eyes fluttering shut as snow seemed to start flying around them. The cold drops melting against his still warm skin, he could feel Steve shaking against him, hands clenched in the front of Buckys shirt. He was so close the puffs of breath were hitting just his lips. 

Swallowing and making himself calm down before he actually kissed Steve, he heard a few words that had him shocked for only a second. “I’ve never done this before.” 

One hand moved from the wall and cupped the back of Steves head, rubbing his thumb behind his ear, he finally pressed his lips to Steves. For only a second just incase this wasn’t something Steve really wanted, the hands clenched harder in his shirt and he couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or not. So he pulled back a little and opened his eyes, just to see blue eyes looking back at him. The hands in his shirt tugged rather forcefully, making him lean back in eyes open and mouth upturned in a smile. 

It was clumsy, wet and definitely not the best kiss Bucky had ever had. But it did throw him back to that first kiss he had ever had and that just made it all the more fun. Leaning into Steves space, using the hand he had on Steves neck to move him so it was just a little bit better. Hands moved up his chest, ran over the top his shoulders clenching as they went and into his hair. Pulling him down firmly against Steves lips and the hand he had in Steves clenched slightly as the other fell to rest on his hip. 

He could hear cars passing, dogs barking in the distance and people laughing as they left the front door. But the noise that had him really shivering was the wet sound of his lips against Steves, which had him biting gently on Steves bottom lip just to stop the nose leaving his mouth. But it didn’t stop the gasp and sudden opening of Steves. Which Bucky couldn’t help but take advantage of, sucking gently on the lip he only just bitten. Listening as Steve started to breath harder and grip onto his hair as if he was scared Bucky would pull away. 

Fastening their lips together tightly, flicking his tongue against Steves lip. He felt Steve push himself up and start to kiss Bucky instead of just letting himself be kissed. His lips moved slowly over Buckys, sucking gently on his lips when he seemed to feel the the need and every second of it was driving Bucky closer and closer to madness. 

A gasp had him about to pull away from Steve when a very wet snowball hit him in the side of the head. Which had him looking towards the door of the dance hall to see Peggy hitting a woman very gently on the shoulder while trying to hide a smile. Turning back to Steve he could see him looking down at the floor, his cheeks so pink he couldn’t imagine the colour ever leaving them. A hand moved up to brush the snow from his face and hair, while the Steve looked up at him through his eyelashes. 

“Good on you Stevie!” the woman next to Peggy shouted, waving her hand in the air while winking. And Peggy turned to her, her face ready tell her off. “Angie! Stop it! You are embarrassing Steve!” 

Bucky looked away from Peggy and Angie again just to hear Steve mutter, “Well it’s not like you are helping.” with a roll of his eyes. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh and lean his forehead against Steves. Who huffed out a small amount of laughter. He only stopped when Steve slipped out under his arm and walked over to Peggy and Angie. Slipping his arms into the coat Peggy was holding out for him, Bucky bit down on his lip. 

He watched as Steve walked off, curling in on himself as the two women asked him what he had been up to. Before Steve got to far away Bucky shouted down the street after him, “When can I see you again Steve?” 

Steve turned to look at him, his mouth opening and closing as Angie shouted, “Tomorrow! Ten am at L&L Automat!” Bucky smiled and turned back into the dance hall, to get his coat and think about seeing Steve again. 

——————

It was a far to hot day at Coney Island, but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to care. He was watching Steve lean over the rail and stare down at the sea crashing against the pier, his eyes screwed up because of the light and his shirtsleeves rolled up as high as they could go. His hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead and Bucky didn’t think he would see anything as beautiful as what he was seeing right now. 

Moving so he was leaning backwards against the rail, his face just staring at Steve. “I hate it when you do that.” Steve muttered, never taking his eyes away from the water. And sure Bucky knew what Steve was talking about, but it wasn’t like he would ever stop. 

Pushing off from the rail, he smirked to himself and wrapped his arms round Steves waist to pull him away and spin him round. Hands were shaking at his arms and people were looking, along with a few kids laughing at them. Finally placing Steve back down he couldn’t help but expect the sharp slap of a hand against his pec and laugh at the mess that the spinning had made Steves hair. So he knew his only option was to run from Steve, to escape what ever Steve thought was okay to do as repayment for he had just done. 

So running down the pier, looking for something to hide in all he could see was a photo booth. And he went for it, falling into it as another couple seemed to be taking their final photo. Which he was sure was meant to be one of them kissing sweetly. But was now them crushed to one side faces pressed together and Bucky falling through the curtain. 

Smiling towards the couple as he stood up and brushed his trousers off, he could see the girl laughing hysterically as they climbed out and waited fir the pictures to print off. “Well it will be something to look back on.” she giggled softly as she pressed herself against the boys chest. Her hand gently touching his neck and her face slitting into a wider smile as her eyes focused behind Bucky. Turning quickly he saw exactly what she was laughing at. Steve was there hands on hips, eyebrow raised and biting on his lip trying not to laugh at Bucky. 

He heard a click as the photos dropped down into the part where they could be taken out, and watched as the girl doubled over in laughter. Holding the photo out for Bucky to see and it was bad the first three were sweet loving pictures, but the last one was hilarious. They had lips locked, but the boys hands were pressed against the opposite wall and both their eyes were wide open. With Bucky falling backwards through the curtain a look complete fear on his face. Steve was laughing just as hard as the girl, while Bucky stood face in his hands and ears bright red from the embarrassment. 

“Come on Buck.” Steve said gently pulling a hand from his face and dragging him into the small booth. Forcing him to sit on the too small chair, while he moved in front of him forcing money into the slot. Then when he turned and Bucky watched his eyes scan round the small seat before he just sat on Bucky. And without being able to see his face Bucky just knew that he would be smirking, because he knew that Bucky just couldn’t deal with having him this close. 

Leaning forward so his face was pressed next to Steves ear as the flat went off, he muttered, “You are the devil Steve.” 

He placed his hand against Steves jaw and turned his so their eyes were locked, while smiling and saw the flash go off out of the corner of his eye. He kissed Steve before the next flash went off, not wanting it to be too much or to intimate for a picture. The final picture was of them just smiling sweetly at each other, foreheads pressed together. He laughed softly as he pushed Steve from his lap and stepped out of the booth. Watching as Steve tripped over his own feet out of the booth, but biting his lip at just how beautiful he looked. The pictures dropped down and Bucky plucked them up without looking at them, tucking them in his wallet and grabbing Steves hand. 

He knew where he wanted to be and that was on the ferris wheel, looking out at sea. His pocket was feeling heavy and he knew his hands were sweaty, but the heat of the day would cover it up. The shaking he thinks he could play off as him being scared of heights, but then that would cause Steve to be angry at him for forcing himself to do something that scared him. So all he knew was that he was going to do this and he was hoping that Steve would say yes. 

While walking he watched Steve and ignored the murmurs he always heard when he was out with Steve, mainly form other omegas and even some alphas. Talking about how he could do better than Steve, with his sickly scent and weak body. But in Buckys eyes he would always be perfect. He glared at a few of the people because this was the first time that had really got to him, but it may be that he was so scared about what was going to happen. 

Stepping onto the ferris wheel, he made sure to sit opposite Steve, watching he brought out his sketch book. Listening the the scratch of graphite across the paper as her drew quick drawing of couples playing games and how the sun glistened of the sea. He bit his lip and looked up, wanting to see just how long they had to get to the top. And pulling his wallet out and saw the pictures they had just taken, then slipped the small plain ring out of it. Letting his eyes dart up to Steves face, he saw that Steve was so taken in by the art work he hadn’t noticed Bucky moving. 

Leaning down so he was on one knee, he took a deep breath and Steves eyes darted up from his page. All he could hear was a soft breath being taken and the noise of the pencil hitting the paper. Smiling and about to talk Steve lifted his handwaving if frantically. Bucky could feel the smile drop off his face, he could still remember the last time he had felt this way and the look on Steves face had him wondering why he was acting this way. 

“It’s not a no, Bucky.” He says softly, placing his book down. And Bucky can feel the air filling his lungs, a shaky smile is letting his lips and the feel of Steves still cold hands touching his face. “It’s just a not yet.” Bucky smiled and held the ring up. 

“Dunno, what you want to do with it.” 

“You keep it till next time.” Steve whispered, kissing Bucky. Just a simple press of the lips but it was enough for Bucky. He ran his fingers through Steves sweat slick hair and laughed because he really couldn’t believe he was scared because he knew now that Steve would never try to hurt him. 

——————

Bucky rolled over, looking at Steves sleeping body. The way his hair was all fluffed up, the pool of drool he had left on the pillow and the way his skin is still sleep warm. He was so happy that Steve had finally asked if he could stay over with bucky, even though it was not the best reason Bucky was still happy. This was something he had wanted to see since he had officially become a coulee with Steve. 

“I really do hate that.” Steve huffed, turning his face into the pillow. 

Bucky laughed and fell back in the bed, his head hitting the pillow with a soft thump. Rolling onto his side he ran his fingers down Steves back. Feeling the soft skin of his back stretched over his defined ribs, leaning over and kissing the back of Steves neck. His lips trailing around the soft skin, while feeling his hand move up and down on his ribs. He could feel him squirming, feel Steve move his head so it was no longer buried in the pillow and gasp loudly. 

He looked up and saw Steve was twisting his fingers in the pillow. Smiling to himself and moving back so he was kissing him again. Just brushing his lips against the skin, then biting so gently that it wouldn’t bruise but so that Steve could feel it. He pushed himself up, so he was half draped over Steves back and kept kissing and biting his way across his back. The light from outside heating up the exposed skin on his own back and he placed a hand over Steves ribs, clutching them as he rolled them both onto their sides and pressing Steve tight against his front. 

The hand he had on Steves ribs he moved forward to rest on his stomach, moved his head so it was tucked into Steves neck and started really kissing him. Sucking on his skin so he could feel warmth coming up under the skin, could hear Steve gasping in his ear and feel a hand suddenly reach back and twist into his hair. 

He pulled Steve tightly back against him, knowing that he would be able to feel just how excited he was, how hard Steve had made him. Steves chest arched as he came into contact with Bucky, which made Bucky groan due to the feelings it was bringing to him. Both of them being clad in just their boxers made it much much worse for Bucky at least. He could feel the cleft of Steves ass, the way he could press against it and how wet it was making him. Pulling his head back and breathing deeply, he spoke. “Tell me this is okay Steve?” he whispered. Forcing himself to stay still, not wanting to do a single thing that he wouldn’t be okay with. 

A sharp tug on his hair and a gasp of “Yes” had him clutching at Steves face to turn him, just so he could almost kiss him. He could only really graze his lips against Steves, but Bucky ran his hand down to finger the top of his boxers. Letting his finger run against the soft skin covering his hipbone and his own hips jerk forward so he was grinding himself Steve, while Steve also pushed himself back against him. 

Running his hand firmly down Steves boxers, clutching tightly at him. Watching as his head snapped back onto his shoulder and his chest swelled. Grinding against Steve as he slowly jerked him off, had his head spinning and he could feel the end coming far to soon. But he held back he wasn’t going to come first. 

“God, I hate you.” Steve groaned, his body tensing up and pulling far to hard on Buckys hair. Which even though he came, had him groaning loudly in pain. 

Bucky rolled backwards and felt Steve roll onto his front. Looking to his right Bucky could see the shine of the ring and went to pluck it off the stand he kept it on. A hand slapping down on his chest and looked over at Steve. Who was just glaring at him, “This is so not the time Buck.” he said with a soft smile. “Maybe in half an hour.” Bucky watched as he closed his eyes and passed out. 

Laughing softly to himself, he couldn’t help but thank the Gods that Angie had gone into heat early and Steve had been made to stay over at his. Nothing made him happier, well he would be happy if he was finally able to say that he was going to marry Steven Grant Rogers. But he could wait, it would be sweet when ever he finally got to say it. 

——————

He moved slowly into the alleyway and kicked the guy that had Steve sprawled across the ground, watching as Steve looked him up and down. His eyes seems to tighten in both anger and fear, knowing exactly why Bucky was wearing the uniform he had on. Moving forward with a hand outstretched, Steve took his time grasping it. 

“You got…” Steve trailed off running his down the uniform that Bucky felt was just a bit too tight. 

“Yeah, I got drafted Steve.” Bucky whispered reaching into his pocket and pulling out a handkerchief, licking it then wiping at the blood collected under Steves nose. “You tried again didn’t you.” Bucky said smirking down at Steve who turned away clutching at the hankie and holding it under his nose. 

Bucky stood watching Steves shoulders as they moved up and down as if he was trying to control himself. Bucky knew there was nothing he could do, Steve was just too weak to enlist. They no longer banned Omegas from enlisting but they had to be i perfect health and completely unmated. But Steve was none of those things, but it never stopped him from trying to sign up. Bucky had given up telling him to stop trying after the third time, all he could do now was hold him while he got angry. 

That’s when Steve turned and grabbed the lapels of Buckys uniform dragging him towards himself till Steves back hit the wall. Pulling him down and kissing him like he won’t ever do it again. His hands pushing the cap from Buckys head and digging his fingers into Buckys hair. And all Bucky could do was try and kiss back, try and understand what Steve wanted from him. But he didn’t know. 

So he kept kissing him, making it as rough as Steve seemed to want it. Holding him hard against the wall, making him moan and groan against his mouth. Just doing whatever he could. He pulled back and looked into Steves eyes, which were radiating panic and fear. That’s when it all made sense Steve wasn’t scared of dying in war but he was so scared of loosing Bucky. That he wouldn’t come home. 

Steve was whispering and Bucky really couldn’t hear what he was saying. “Please, Steve I can’t hear what you are saying.” His hand running down his face. 

“Ask me now.” he said only a fraction louder. 

Bucky was on knee before he could do anything else and digging in his pockets. 

——————

Later that night when he was standing next to Peggy and Angie, it being the last night they were going to be with their significant others. He heard Steve say he was going to get a drink and turned to Peggy. 

“When I get back I’m getting married to him.” Bucky muttered, “I am getting to marry Steven Grant Rogers.” The squeal from both Peggy and Angie had him smiling and wishing Steve was there with him. But when he turned he saw him walking into another enrolment centre and he just had the worst feeling wash over him. Like it was the last night he was going to see Steve the way he was right at that second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this whole chapter was written listening to The Moulin Rouge Soundtrack so, but also tell me if there is anything wrong with this chapter or whatever! It was also based loosely on the way my grandparents met, so yeah. If you want to contact me you can do so here! [My blog](http://thestuckynation.tumblr.com)


	2. Falling, Always Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the part from Captain America The First Avenger, so enjoy?

Bucky really had no idea what it was like to be at war, to be away from Steve and no nothing of what was happening to him. They had never bonded, Steve wanted to wait till marriage and after the war. Or so he had told Bucky. 

But he knew exactly why Steve didn’t want to bond, he wanted to have his chance at getting into the army. Sighing softly, he felt an arm nudge into his ribs and turned to see the soft eyes of Dum Dm staring at him. They all knew the story of Bucky and Steve, but they all were aware that where they were was that the minute you got dragged out of the holding cell. Always kicking and screaming, you wouldn’t be coming back. You left the small space you were most definitely dead. 

“I’ll never see him again.” Bucky whispered to himself, letting his eyes close and his back rest against the cold damp bars. Listening as men walked in circles, the faint screams of the last man who had been dragged out and the frantic whispering of the few who were loosing themselves inside the small prison they were stuck in. 

He tried to remember the golden colour of Steves hair, the deep timber of his voice, the way his body shook in the cold of winter, and the way his eyes looked when Bucky had told him he had loved him. Which was something he would hold dear to his heart. The face of confusion Steve had made, the way his eyes were full of fear and complete fascination that Bucky could even love him. That was only made more beautiful by the way Steve had then punched him as hard as he could in the shoulder, before muttering how much of an idiot Bucky was. 

His eyes sprang open as the screaming suddenly stopped, which could only mean he was dead or what ever they were doing had worked. Swallowing loudly and trying to make himself seem much smaller, weaker than any other man in the cell. Coughing like his lungs were struggling and shivering like his body was getting ready to give up. 

So far this had worked for him and the soldiers that came, looked past him and would take someone who was trying to glare them down or looked healthy enough for someone who had been at war. He had heard stories about a man, a super hero some said that was raising money. A man that could raise a bike above his head with three woman sat upon it, and all Bucky could think about was a man coming through the door. Lifting them from their cages and taking them home, just so he could spend the nights shivering in a bed with his arms wrapped around Steve. 

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he could hear the faint murmuring of German coming closer to him. Frowning slightly he tried to work out the words that they were speaking, he had tried to learn quickly and only a little really made sense to him. He let his head fall back against the metal of the bars, eyes darted to him and he shook his head. 

The men around him that understood what was about to happen, let their heads drop and their breathing speed up. He could see the clouds of air around them come more often and much longer. 

So instead of his normal he just sat, because even though he had been trying to just stay alive. Stay alive in hopes that he may get to see Steve alive, but now it had gotten to the point where he just knew that there was no point holding on. He couldn’t feel Steve, never had been able to and he had forgotten how he had smelt and nothing hurt him more knowing that he was leaving him alone. 

Words seemed to thunder through the room, echoing off the walls and focusing right down on Bucky. Like all the eyes fixed on him. Forcing himself to stand he moved towards the open door, his feet dragging across the floor. The noise seeming much louder in the deathly silence as he walked towards what he assumed was his death. 

He closed his eyes and let himself be dragged along by the cuffs locking his wrists together. 

Nothing could save him at this point. 

He felt the ice cold table hit his back as he was forced onto it. He kept his eyes closed, the feel of soft leather tightening over his wrists and ankles. Constant German being said around him, his body feeling like it was sinking into the cold metal of the table. The sleeves of his barely there shirt being forced up, bands tightening round his upper arm and a glove covered hand slapping sharply against the veins in his arm. 

He opened his eyes to be blinded by a bright light, a glint of a needle and many masked faces around him. His breathing started to pick up and he knew right then he didn’t want to die. He was going to make it through what ever they were going to do to him just to see Steves face once more. 

Straining against the leather wrapped round him, he heard someone shout in English to hold him down. Hands were all over him and he couldn’t move an inch. Turning his head to stare down at his arm, the veins sticking out starkly against his now pale skin. A needle moving much faster than he could really process towards his arm. The sudden pinch he felt, had him jerking against the hands holding him down and feeling as the needle slid firmly under his skin. Bandages wrapping round it and holding it down. 

The band round his arm was removed and liquid started to drip down the tubing. He saw it’s bright red colour, much to bright to be blood. His heart was pounding in his chest. But every drop that fell down had his skin warming, finally feeling heat that he hadn’t experienced in weeks. His heart began to slow, his eyes closed and he felt his body go loose. 

It wasn’t until his skin started feeling like he had fallen into a to warm bath, that the temperature wouldn’t stop raising. He swallowed loudly and felt the burn everywhere, he was gasping on air and looking franticly about for someone. He knew this was not right but when his eyes fixed on a small man to his left, his heart stopped beating. The mans face was lit up, in such a bright smile he really didn’t know what to do. 

He opened his mouth just to try and gulp some cold air in, just to stop the burning in his lungs. And the scream that ripped from his lips was something he had never expected to hear, to his own ears it sounded like the scream of someone being killed. But that’s how he felt, like his skin was being pulled from his bones and his brain was boiling inside his skull. 

He was panting, blinking trying to just stay conscious. The man stood and flicked the glass bottle, the smile on his face getting much brighter. 

“You are the first one to make it this far.” He said, his voice soft and nothing like what he expected. Blinking up at him he forced himself to keep listening. “I think we will give you break. A few hours should be enough.” Then patting his chest. 

If Bucky could have moved he would have curled up in on himself with the sheer amount of pain that he was experiencing from that small touch. Lettings head thump roughly against the metal behind him, the roll to face away from this man and close his eyes. He needed to sleep, just to hope the pain he was feeling would lessen. 

A needle slammed into the top of his thigh, making his eyes flash open but he didn’t move. He just felt like his body was turning to jelly and nothing hurt anymore. His eyes started to shut and he heard footsteps walk away from him and a door slam. When everything just faded into black. 

——————

He started struggling against his bindings, the sound of screaming and gunshots was getting so loud in his ears he really had no idea what was going on. He knew he should scream, but everything hurt so badly. His body felt like fire was licking under his skin. Panting, trying to keep his eyes open even if it was just to see who was going to kill him. 

Footsteps raced across the floor straight towards him. He closes his eyes if only to see Steves face tattooed on the back of his eyelids so he could die with the face of the person he loves more than anything else in the world. 

It was a face he really did love. Thin face, with the strongest features making sure people knew he was not one to back down, freckles that dotted across his nose because he had been sat on the fire escape most of the summer drawing and bright blue eyes soft from sleep. It was Steves face on the last night of summer, one that he knew he would never forget. 

Hands are scrambling at his bindings, making them snap against his sin and he could feel the raw skin on his limbs sting. Hands grab at the front of his shirt and pull him up. Bucky could only fling his hands out to grasp, a completely worn soft leather jacket. His fingers twisted in it, his mouth dropped open as he gasped for air and finally he opened his eyes. he dragged his eyes up and down the person in front of him. 

Their face was one he had longed to see, but the body it was attached to wasn’t the one he knew. It was nothing like the one he knew. 

“I thought you were dead.” Steves voice came from the face he knew. He stared at it, his eyes darting down to the lips and in that moment for only a second he wanted to kiss him. 

Taking a deep breath he forced words out of his mouth, “I thought you were smaller…” he panted as he finished his few words. And then an arm was looped under his arms and dragging him from the table, forcing him to keep walking. Pulling and almost dragging him along when his feet slipped under himself. 

All he could keep thinking was what had happened to Steve, he was bigger and stronger than Bucky had ever been. 

When Steve stated simply that, “He had joined the army.” it became completely aware to Bucky the he could not control his speech. He would simply say whatever he thought and he felt himself be dragged through a door. The same door he had been dragged through to go through the sheer amount on pain he was in. 

He was finally able to run, only so he didn’t hold Steve back. he heard the loud clangs of the metal stairs under his feet. He had never been so glad to have these thick boots on. Then suddenly Steve stopped leaning over a metal rail staring down at what could only be called a plant of some sort, Bucky pressed tight against his side. Breathing in shakily he could only smell Steve and the smell of pure metallic heat. 

It was then the explosions started going off and he and Steve backed away from the edge, their hands falling to each others hips. Grasping to just know the other was there. 

Then they ran, along a walk way. 

Thats when a man just appeared from almost nowhere, “Captain America! I love your films.” Bucky stood leaning against the rail, watching as Steve and the man seemed to walk towards each other. It took him noticing the small movement in Steves arm to just know what he was going to do, when he watched the man recoil as Steves fist made contact with the side of his jaw. He stood panting, as the man stood. 

The man kept talking to Steve, saying things about a doctor, but all Bucky could look at was the skin beneath his right eye. It had moved. Almost sitting loosely beneath his eye. He could feel his own breathing get laboured, knowing that it wasn’t normal. 

Staring and never taking his eyes from the mans face, the man raised his arm as if he was about to remove a balaclava. But instead he pulled off his entire face. He pulled it up as if it was nothing. Bucky couldn’t stop staring at this mans face, it was red like fresh blood and every single human feature was gone. He literally looked like a skull, even though it was red. 

He had only just picked up that the Doctor who had done this to this man was the same one that had made Steve what he was. All he could think about was seeing Steve with a face like that and made it very clear he was very much not okay with it. And while voicing his words he didn’t get a verbal reply he did see Steve shake his head so minutely that he just felt okay, if only for that small piece of information. 

He also had this feeling that he was about to die. In this building where everything was up in flames, where man had a skull for a face and Steve seemed to have gone full throttle into not caring about himself. He felt he was going to die. Maybe he could do with one of those romantic kisses he had seen while watching a motion picture when the alpha was about to die to save their omega, but he at least knew that if he was going to die it was going to be at Steves side and he couldn’t really see a downfall to that. 

Bucky felt a hand on his elbow, pulling him towards more stairs as explosions were happening below them. He kept forcing his legs to move under him, felt Steve touch him as he would push on his lower back as if trying to get him to move faster. 

Yet again he found himself looking over a rail. Steves hands one his hips, holding him steady as he was forced to climb over them. His feet hitting metal beams, the hands lingering for as long as they could as he started the quick steps to the rails at the other side. He kept going ignoring the sounds of explosions happening hundreds of meters under his feet, feeling bursts of heat hit him in the face as explosions kept happening. 

The beam bounced and Bucky knew what this meant, he scrambled. His feet going one in front of the other as fast as he could. He flung his body forward. His arms hooking over the railing and he pulled himself over. Breathing like he had never breathed before he turned and looked for Steve. Who was standing at the other side with no where to go. Stuck almost waiting for death to come take him. 

Screaming across the gap he shouted, “There has to be a rope!” looking around, his eyes darting. He couldn’t loose Steve, he just wouldn’t.

“Go! Run!” Was all Steve shouted back at him and Bucky felt his whole body shut down. He couldn’t for a second believe what Steve wanted him to do. 

“Not without you!” It flew from his mouth before he could even think. But it made it one of those statements that had Steve make that one face. The face he made when he realised that Bucky wasn’t going to leave or backdown. 

Bucky stood and watched as Steve looked around. He watched as Steve bent a metal rail back. Which at any other time Bucky would have found completely and utterly attractive, but right now he was moving back. Feeling warm metal dig into his spine as Steve walked quickly away from him, his heart clenching as he finally realised what he was about to do. He let out a shaky breath as he watched Steve start to run, watched him as he flew across the space between them. He heard him land more than saw him, because next thing Bucky knew he was encased in darkness. 

——————

Bucky sighed, sitting at a barstool sipping on a lukewarm beer. He was watching Steve as he seemed to get a round of shouts from a few of the men that were with him when they got back to their base. He knew that he had been right and those idiots would follow Steve into battle, they were what Steve needed and he was giving them what they had needed. A fight that would end all fights. 

He sat and watched as Steve walked towards him, standing only when he was close enough for Bucky to touch. He just need to touch him. His hand grazed along Steves lower back and he really could say that even though Steve was bigger, stronger and all together much more alpha like than Bucky was. But his waist wasn’t all that much bigger, he could still imagine wrapping his arms round him while he was pressed against his front. 

“What did I tell ya.” he said with a smirk. 

Steve shook his head and he could see every single person in the bar staring at him, taking in Steve as he was right then. Looking at him like Bucky always had and he hoped that even though Steve was different that he could now understand that this was the way he had always seen him. 

He bit his lip, as Steve sat in the stool next to him. They leaned in close to each other and kept their eyes on no one but each other. Talking and whispering and Bucky could see the ring he had given Steve on his dog tags, resting against his chest. 

Bucky couldn’t help but feel slightly awful at thinking of just asking Steve to bond with him, because he knew they weren’t going home. They were going to stay at war till Steve felt like the fight was over or they were both dead. But it didn’t stop him from wanting it. He failed to notice his hand was gripping tightly onto Steves forearm, as if constantly making sure he was actually there. 

He opened his mouth to ask, but the whole room went silent. To the point all that could be heard was faint piano music and the click of high heels, one single set. 

And there was Peggy, dressed to the nines like he was used to seeing her. Dress and lips the same ruby red which made his whole body shudder, it was the same colour as that mans red skull. But there she was and he stood up, walking a whole step towards her and wrapping his arms tightly round her. He knew she had been there through all that Steve had gone through, she had kept him safe right up until he came to save them. He really couldn’t love her more. 

She was laughing, he could feel it more than hear it. Her arms wrapped tightly round his neck and he knew she was looking at Steve, pulling back and looking her right in the eye. She smiled right back at him and he knew that she understood. 

“Tomorrow zero eight hundred hours, Stark wants to see you.” She smiled and winked as she said, “Captain.” Before she walked over to the table with the newly chosen people that were going to help them. 

Smiling at Steve he let it pull into a smirk, moving to sit down again. They sat closer than before, their face close together, their voices only just loud enough for each other to hear. “Before you even bother asking Steve, I am coming with ya.” He just wanted to rest their foreheads together, but this wasn’t the place. 

Jumping slightly when Steve placed his hand on his thigh, smiling brightly and his eyes almost seemed to be relieved that Bucky was coming with him. Licking his bottom lip and leaning in so his lips would brush Steve’s ear he whispered, “But only if you keep the uniform.” Closing his eyes he literally heard Steve choke a little and his hand squeeze so tightly round the top of his thigh, he was sure Steve was cutting off the circulation to his lower leg. 

Chuckling he stood, looking at Steve as he pulled money from his pocket. He was paying the owner of the bar even though he had been told it was free drinks for all the troops. Steve was staring down at his lap, his cheeks pink and body almost completely taught. Bucky knew what he had done and him resting his hand on Steves shoulder had him jumping and looking right up at him. Eyes wide and face flush. 

He reached his hand out, watched as Steve placed his in it. He pulled him through the bar hearing the whistles come from the table as he walked past, the winks he got had his face reddening. Unlike Steve it was a mottled mess of red and pink, looking like he had sunburn. 

Pulling Steve from the bar he pressed him to a wall, down an alleyway. Sighing loudly he looked up at Steve, he was only and inch or two taller than Bucky but it was something he was going to have to get used too. Leaning into his throat he breathed in, Steves scent happened to be strongest there and he loved it. Kissing at Steves neck, listening as he made soft noises. Felt as he wrapped strong arms round his shoulders, pulling him tight against his own body and bending his neck further away. 

Bucky sucked a bruise into Steves neck, pulling away only to watch it turn a soft purple. Smiling to himself he just had to ask. 

He leaned back and it felt like h was about to ask Steve to marry him for the first time again, mixed with the time that Steve had finally said yes. Taking a deep breath and staring Steve right in the eyes, one hand on his hip and the other resting on his neck; while his thumb brushed his jaw. 

“Be mine?” he said softly. 

“I am.” Was whispered back into his ear. 

Breathing shakily, he shook his head then spoke, “No, be mine. Like Peggy and Angie.” 

Closing his eyes and looking down, he didn’t want to see Steves face when he was turned down. He just knew that it was a face that would haunt him if he said no, it wouldn’t change a thing but it would be the face he would see before he died. 

Hands ran across Buckys shoulders, fingers delicately touching what they could with as little pressure as possible. Thumbs catching the square of his jaw, helping turn his face up from the floor. Fingertips touching his almost too long hair. He shivered. His whole body felt cold when he should feel far to warm. 

Lips were pressed to his, chapped warm lips. Steves. 

His eyes shot open and he could see Steves face right there. Pulling back from the soft kiss he just stared at Steve, unsure if he should take that as a yes. But he never got a verbal answer when Steve took his hand and started dragging him down the street. 

——————

Looking up at Steve, his breath was short unlike it had ever been before. He had always dreamt of this exact moment and most of the time Steve was his past self, but Bucky really couldn’t be any happier. Some how they had agreed they wouldn’t do this till after the war, till after Bucky came back but at this moment he really couldn’t see any issue with what they were doing. Bonding together like they already felt they were. 

He dragged his eyes down Steves body, over the new muscles and down to the rough fabric of his dress trousers. His finger tips running over the smooth skin of his waist while thumbs touched the fabric. Pressing his fingers in, he tried to think of a way he could try and hint at Steve to just lean down and kiss him. Because he really couldn’t speak, not one single word and he was okay with that. Words would make this so much less than it really was. 

And because Steve could almost always know what Bucky meant he leaned down, pressing their lips together. And it felt like the first time he had kissed Steve. Up against a wall while snow fell around them, but now it was in a bed in a tent. 

He loved the feeling of Steve pressing him down into the bed, the feeling of completely healthy weight on his body and that he wasn’t having to listen out for small changes in Steves breathing. It was all together perfect. He slipped his hands down, cupping Steves butt pulling him further up his body. He gripped tightly as Steve bit down on his lip and let his head fall back out of the kiss; just to listen to the noise. His eyes flicking open to see Steve smiling brightly down at him. Panting he just had to say it, “God, I love you Stevie.” His eyes closing and a soft half laugh getting stuck in his throat. 

He choked a little, when he felt Steve sit up all his weight resting right over his crotch. Putting the most unbelievably good pressure on him, while his own hands gripped thinning fabric and watched as Steve undid his own dress pants. The noises of it seemed to ring through his head, the rustle of the button being pushed through and the slow grind of the zip. Sounds of shaky breaths seemed to spin round his head, it took him to long to realise that it was his own. This was as close to naked as he had ever seen Steve and soon he would see the whole real thing. 

His hands flung out as Steve moved off of him, he gripped onto the edge of his trousers pulling them down to bare completely bare skin of Steves hip. Blinking slowly and letting his hand drop. 

Bucky watched Steve drop his pants, he licked his lips and when he was going to kick off his boxers; Steve pulled them off. Then they were there and naked. They were completely naked with each other for a reason that Bucky had almost felt was unimaginable. 

Reaching up he pulled Steve down, so he was yet again resting over him. He pulled him down to kiss him and moved his hands straight down so he was cupping Steves butt. Pulling him against his body in a slow grind, which was far too dry against their bare skin and they were just panting into each others mouths. 

His fingers slipped further down, feeling the wetness that he had only ever felt when Steve would get completely turned on. Swallowing loudly. He pulled one hand away wrapping it round Steves shoulders pulling him down against him, their foreheads touching as he finally touched Steve. Finally touched Steve where he really needed it and realising it would mean so much more than all the other times they had been together. 

“Tell me it’s okay.” He said, his lips brushing Steves and feeling the warm shuddering breaths. 

Steve groaned loudly, pushing back against his hand and wrapping his fingers round Buckys wrist. Bucky couldn’t stop the smile on his lips, knowing that he was finally making Steve feel this good glad that he wasn’t hurting him one single bit. 

Lips brushed his as a soft, “It’s okay.” fell from Steves open lips. 

Bucky pulled Steves lips down to join with his, getting everything out as he felt his fingers slip in and out of Steve. Felt just how wet Steve was from just having his fingers in him, the scent of them twirling round his head and blocking every possible distraction. He knew that people could hear the noises coming from his tent, and sure he was bothered by people hearing them but he was glad he could hear what they really sounded like together again. 

Their voices, their mingled moans and the sound of their skin on each other. He pulled his fingers free petting at Steves side, just feeling the way he was breathing and how his body was rolling as if he couldn’t wait for what was to come. Pushing Steve up and seeing the smirk that moved across his face. 

He felt his whole back arch and his eyes roll back, the feeling of Steve round him was mind boggling. It wasn’t like it was their first time, but it was Steve he would be knotting and it was world ending; and they hadn’t even done anything. His hands flung out and gripped at Steves waist, feeling the slow and unsure movements of him on top of him. He swallowed and his mouth dropped open, he was trying to hold back let Steve pace himself. It was different to the other times they had been together. Steve was stronger, taller, bigger, and able to do more. 

It wasn’t long before Steve was really going at it, his mouth parted and his head flung back. Big strong hands pressed against Buckys chest, holding him down and also using him for leverage. He knew what was going to happen in only seconds, Steve would cum and he would too. Then he would knot Steve and bite him. 

Pulling Steve down by the shoulders, he had to forcibly speak to Steve. Which was almost completely impossible, but he had to know. Panting into his ear, “You need to tell me yes or no, right now.” 

A yes was whined into his ear and he bit down. He felt tight all over, he was bonding with Steve and all that had to happen for it to be a real true thing was for Steve to bite him back. Which he did and then it was there. That feeling that really he couldn’t explain. That he was finally whole and even though he had just slept with Steve, this feeling was a hundred times better. 

Laying there with Steve on top of him, making it near impossible to breath, feeling himself trapped inside of Steve and running his fingers through his hair. 

He panted into the warm bubble surrounding them, “I’m yours.” 

Steve chuckled into his neck, happiness was something they needed right now. 

——————

For weeks after they were hunting down Hydra bases, they were fighting and killing. Doing everything they could to stop this whole load of mad men taking over the world. 

It was only one other night they spent together barely clothed, after a bullet had sliced open the side of Buckys left arm. It was only a graze but Steve just wouldn’t leave his side, nuzzling into his neck and just touching every single part of him he could. Which oddly had made Bucky laugh the whole time, it was normally the other way around. 

——————

Finally they were on the mission Steve had been planning out since this all began with Peggy. They were standing at the top of a mountain range, Steve dressed up in his whole Captain America costume and they were laughing. Bucky was teasing Steve about the time they went to Coney Island, after Bucky had proposed the first time and he had forced him to go onto a ride that had Steve puking everywhere. Which made him ask if it was Steves way of getting back at him finally, because just looking at what they were having to do was making his stomach flip. 

The thought of speeding down onto a very fast moving train, that if they missed they were dead. So here they went, going down the rope and landing heavily onto the top of a train. Following after Steve, dropping down into the car. He looked around seeing only cold silver metal, his whole body shaking and then he saw it out the corner of his eye; over Steves shoulder and he shoved him. He shot him right in the chest and watched as he fell, Steve turning to look at the body of the man he just put down. 

Then they were moving, going through each car. Trying to find what they were going for, what they didn’t expect to see was a solider with huge guns strapped to either side of him. He felt more than saw Steve shove him behind him as he shot at them. The shot bouncing off the shield and blowing a hole in the roof above their heads, snow feel in and made Steve move a little. The second shot made Steve go flying because he wasn’t ready, the shield flying to the right and Bucky flung himself after it. 

Holding it out in front, his gun peaking over the top. He walked forward, shooting at the solider and watching as one of the guns feel to face the floor. That’s when he knew he had disabled one of the guns and at that moment a shot came right at him. Steve was right beside him and he watched as he grabbed the shield and flung it at the solder, knocking him out completely. Thats when the train turned and he flew through the open side of the carriage. Then he was there gripping onto a freezing cold metal bar, staring up at Steve who was trying to reach out for him. Calling out for him to grip his hand, his hand was right in reach and he swung his arm up. 

Fingers brushed Steves and then he was watching Steve get further and further away. He was listening as wind whistled past his ears, his whole left arm was hurting and he was sure there was blood gushing down his arm. Then everything stopped and he was taken into blackness again. 

——————

He could see snow all around him, he could feel his right arm being pulled along by a strong body. He hoped it was Steve, then his head rolled to the left and that’s when he saw he didn’t have an arm. He didn’t have an arm and there was a trail of blood. Blood, red in the white snow and he didn’t know why he wasn’t dead. 

——————

When he opened his eyes again, all he could feel was pain and freezing cold. He started trying to twist away from whatever was happening to his left arm. 

It felt like hooks were digging into his skin, ice cold metal hooks. But also the smell that hit his nose made him feel sick, it was something he had small before. Fresh blood, burning hair and flesh. And he couldn’t stomach it. He turned his head away from the strongest source of the smell and threw up. He could feel it dripping down the side of his mouth and then pain was so strong in his arm again like they were doing something to his shoulder and his eyes rolled back and it was black again. 

——————

Looking to his left Bucky was finally able to see what they had done to his arm, but now all he saw gleaming silver metal. That moved and felt the same weight as what had been there before, but it wasn’t. Then he saw the smiling face of the doctor who had injected him before. 

The smile on his face made his body freeze along with the fact that he couldn’t feel Steve as much as he had before. He felt like he was going to give up so he just went slack, without Steve what did he have to live for. He watched as the smile got wider, “Your dear Captain is gone, so this should be much easier on you.”

All Bucky did was nod, he was dragged up from the table and forced into a chair. A film reel started playing in front of him, a bar was forced between his teeth and his body was strapped to a chair. He only started to truly panic when something was placed over his head. It only took him seconds to start screaming, he knew exactly what they were doing and he was going to try and fight.

——————

Bucky didn’t know how long it had been, but he knew exactly what his job was now. He was to follow the orders of whoever was in charge, the better he followed their orders the less time he would spend being taught properly. He was also doing everything he could to improve the muscles he had, it made it easier to support his arm. Which wasn’t exactly heavy but it was easier to work with higher muscle mass, or so Zola had been telling him. 

Throwing knives at a target, hitting them dead on and not letting any emotion ripple over his face. Listening as he heard everything he was to learn being played over and over again through speakers. Which they never turned off, he was quickly learning Russian and German as they were the only languages spoken around him. He had even learnt to only respond to being called The Asset, anything else and he was stuck in the reconditioning chamber for as long as they saw fit. 

“Asset.” Rung out from the door, he turned quickly. Holding the knife in his hand, waiting to see what he was needed for. 

An older man walked in, circling round him and inspecting everything about him. He saw him motion to lift his arm, which he did without hesitation. He saw the man smile at him and felt a small amount of pride at the fact he was happy with how he was acting, which meant a full meal hopefully. 

“I am surprised at what you have done.” The man spoke in German, “He is exactly what we hoped for, perfect for what we need.” he took a deep breath, “I suppose you have the ability to keep him at peak levels, as he won’t last forever.” 

The smile that took over Zolas face, would have made him shiver if it wasn’t for the fact that he knew he would get punished for doing anything of the kind. It was the second worst thing he could endure, the first was if he asked about the feeling he sometimes got in his chest or when he touched his neck. He would do everything to not be locked in the dark room for days on end. 

“Yes.” Zola said, turning away from him. “We have developed a way to keep him alive for years, longer than you or I will be breathing.” A soft chuckle fell from his lips, “We have found a way to freeze him, we simply have to make sure he goes in how he is now and he will be ready for what ever we need him for.” 

The other man locked eyes with Bucky, “The perfect tool.” 

Letting out a breath of air he followed after Zola, the man had made the hand movement for him to follow and he could feel his whole body shaking a little, he knew where he was going. 

He let himself be strapped down in the chair, open his mouth for the rubber guard to be placed in his mouth and for the electrodes to be strapped to his head. He screamed through the shocks racking through his body, his whole mind went black for only a second. When his vision came back he couldn’t remember why he was here, but he followed their orders. 

He walked into a very cold room, and stood where they wanted him to. Looking out of a small window as they smiled at him. Then the it got so much colder, so cold that everything seemed to stop and then he was back into the darkness. 

——————

He got used to the waking up, the pain and the going back into the cold. All until one day when he was sitting being shown the picture of the next person he had to get rid of, there was a throbbing in his neck and he could only imagine pain coming along with it. 

He focused his eyes on the picture, taking in the shape of the mans face, the eyepatch and his name. Everything he would need to do his job, be the best asset they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am planning on writing winter solder, so don't worry. May take some time, got stuff to work out and gotta find time to write. Hope you liked this part and let me know about any mistakes!  
> If you want to contact me you can do it here or at [My blog](http://thestuckynation.tumblr.com)


	3. I Knew Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is CATWS. That's all I can say, it's a bit angsty and I don't know if it all that good. Sorry?

Glaring at the solder sitting in front of him, he could hear his own teeth grinding and he couldn’t help but wonder what was so important about killing this eye patched man. Why he suddenly needed a whole team to rid the world of this one man. He let his mind flick back to the plan that had been repeated to him once and only once. It was all he needed now. All he knew was that the man was dangerous. Even if he thought the whole outfit he wore made him seem like he was putting on an imposing front, he really couldn’t talk considering the solder in front of him wouldn’t stop chewing on a toothpick. 

A low growl left his lips, and all eyes whipped to him. Gritting his teeth and forcing all sounds he wished to let out be forced back down, including forcing his hands to stay perfectly placed on the tops of his thighs. Body armour keeping his body stiff, his left arm making him lean only slightly to the left and by focusing on the near constant pain that throbbed from it; he stopped one of his hands leaving his thigh and touching a mark on his neck that he just couldn’t remember the meaning of bar pain that came from acknowledging it. 

Sighing he sat in the hot van, listing as the other men muttered between themselves, the static of radios ringing through the air and the smell that he could only describe as overwhelmingly alpha. Which no matter as he tried not to smell it made his skin crawl. They all seemed to get so excited on these missions where a shoot out and death was the only option. 

They chose this and loved it. He just did it because he was trained to and the pain of not doing it, was simply worse than living in the dreams of watching every person he had killed. 

He watched as doors were flung open and the men left, all dressed as police officers. Climbing into cars and driving off. He sat waiting to be told if he was needed, running the plan through his head. They wanted it to be a single clean gunshot, straight to the skull. They wanted him dead, they wanted there to be no way for this man to come back. 

Thinking about the bullet proof glass, how many shots it would take before it was weak enough for a bullet to pierce it. How he could attach a bomb the base of the car and flip it, keeping the man stuck in the vehicle and much easier to kill. Even though he saw the man as an easy kill, he was thinking of every possible way he would get rid of this man. 

A crackling rang through the ear piece he was wearing letting him know he was to be ready. Ordinates were told to him, he left the van leaving the doors open and started his very fast pace run towards the area. His legs were screaming at the pace he was forcing himself to run, keeping out of the eye of people wondering the streets. He was not to be seen unless there was no other option. 

He stood in the middle of the road he had been told to stop at, his breathing getting back to normal within seconds. He stood waiting for the vehicle to come his way. And there it was. It was a mess and he felt the easiest option was certainly the cleanest one. 

Lifting his arm, tipping his head slightly to the right and squeezing the trigger. He watched as the disk spun, hitting the car exactly where it should land and he had never been wrong with his aim. The mans face was just close enough for him to confirm it was the right person and for him to see the exact moment the man realised what was about to happen. 

He heard more than saw the explosion, moving out of the way just in time. Like he had been taught. 

He stood watching as the car spun down the street on it’s roof. The noise of metal against the road, made the hair on his arm lift a little and he started stalking towards the man in the car once it stopped. Dust was making it harder for him to see, but the goggles he wore to hide his face made it so he could see if only a little better. 

The streets were deathly silent as he reached the vehicle. He felt his lips twitch at the thought of not being sent out to kill people who had only happened to witness this, one thing he actually was glad for when he had the team with him. 

Reaching the car he could smell hot metal and burning asphalt. None of which was odd. Quickly turning to look through the window, gripping the door and ripping it off. Sending it flying across the road, scraping metal filling the oddly silent street. Ducking down and pulling a gun out, he looked into the space where the door had been. 

He sucked a breath in through his nose. The man in the small amount of time he had let his eyes shift away had escaped. It was right then he knew why he had been needed. But it was also the first time he had not managed to complete a task. The pool of blood in the car indicated that the target had lost blood, not enough to kill him. But enough that it could. 

He processed all he could and made his way back to the pick up point. The plans were going to be drastically different now. 

——————

His lip twitched, all he wanted was to growl and rip this soldiers throat out. He seemed to think he was better then anyone else in the room, all because he had been given the reins of the day. Glaring at this man, he watched as he slowly talked to everyone round the room. Never once looking at him, not knowing that even though he was a weapon he still had his own thoughts and right now he was imagining ripping this overzealous alphas head off. 

Suddenly he was smirking in his face, his hot breath rushing over his face and the smell of his breath made his lip twitch up. 

A hand suddenly flew out, grabbing his hair. The fingers twisting roughly through the strands and pulled him to the floor. Showing his neck to all the others in the room, soft chatter filled his ears and he focused his eyes on the man holding him down. He couldn’t do anything to him if he didn’t want to be stuffed into the room. He dropped his eyes and felt the fingers tighten for only a second before they dropped him. 

He stayed resting on the tips of his toes and knees, waiting to see what this guy could possibly need to know. 

“Asset.” His voice rang, making him lock his whole body up. “Mission report.” 

Clenching his jaw for only a second, wondering if this time he could stop the words falling from his mouth, “Mission failure. Target escaped.” 

“Any chance of survival? Is a follow up required?” The dark eyes were focused on him, he could see the want to hurt him in them. 

Breathing out he spoke slowly, “On inspection, there is a sixty percent chance of survival if medical assistance was sought immediately and thirty if none was made.” He let his eyes trail over to the wall to his left. Cold dark concrete, early calming and made him less like to want to attack. He knew that during the attack he would enjoy it, showing them he was a lap dog that would attack when told but the sheer thought of what he would be put through to return him to optimum usage was not worth it in the long run. 

“Asset.” The man growled down at him, his lips curling up into a lopsided smirk, “We have a mission to complete. Which cannot fail.” 

——————

Cracking his neck, the strain of his arm always seemed to put on him got worse with everyday he was kept awake for missions. He heard nothing but silent static ringing through the ear piece he had been instructed to wear. 

Laying on his front, he waited for the ability to accurately see his intended target, he only knew where he was meant to be shooting. They had not given him anything that would help him with this part of the mission simply that it must be completed. He could feel the rough drag of the cheep carpet under his thin clothes. The ones he had when he needed to clear out quickly and silently, but did nothing to protect him against any form of weather, but he supposed that wasn’t a interest they had. 

Keeping his eyes trained through the eye piece, he watched a light flick on and saw his target. A frown came across his face as he saw the man he was talking to, his head twitched slightly at the odd feeling he had. But he buried the feeling, it was the one feeling that had got him punished more than once before it had stopped. 

Breathing slowly and listening to the words being directed his way, he was being told to wait until they could decide if the information being exchanged was of any importance. But after a few tense seconds he was giving the go ahead. Squeezing his finger agains the trigger and firing two shoots, both of which hit the target in the chest and had him falling to the ground. His lip twitched as the other man pulled him out of view. He knew that shots should be more than enough, but a head shot would have been a definite. One which meant there was absolutely no chance of failure on his part. 

He moved quickly. He could see his arm glinting out of the corner of his eye, which made him slightly irritated. The thing could cause him some issues, but he was yet to meet someone that he couldn’t outrun or even fight if it came down to it. 

Strapping the gun to his thigh and turning he made it up the one flight of stairs he needed to so that he was on the rooftop. It was plan that would mean he had the greatest chance of escape with the smallest amount of risk. Breathing through the mask, he kept running even after he had heard a window smash and hard footfalls below him. 

He kept running not looking back or even looking down. The sounds of a body crashing through glass and doors, made him think he may have finally met someone he could have a fight with. But this was not the time to think of such things. Leaping from the roof to the one below, he heard footsteps land and stop. 

He heard the noise of something flying through the air, about the height of his head. So turning and pulling the shield out of the air. He looked over his shoulder at his pursuer, the man seemed to stop dead. Panting but staring at him like he was shocked but also completely unsure of what was about to happen, taking a breath he flung the shield back. 

Throwing himself towards the edge of the building, he knew the fall would cause his whole body to hurt but not for long. The sound of shoes scrapping as he fell, made him smirk slightly. The man wasn’t as strong as he had expected and the landing was as hard as he had. 

Moving quickly he climbed into a car, “I am being pursued.” he said, no emotion ever found it’s way into his words. So instead of a fast pull off and drive, the driver drove like he wasn’t going anywhere. Just drove off in the direction of base, when a familiar voice rang out through his ear piece. 

“Asset, mission report.” 

“Less than five percent chance of survival.” He said slowly, “Target had help, headshot was not possible at time.” 

He heard the noise the man made, a soft hum, before he spoke again. “Acceptable, we will keep ears open for confirmation of death. Report to base for a full debrief and weapon check.” 

Breathing out and staring out, he waited for the eventual return to the cold chamber where he was left seeing all the faces of the people he had killed over the years. With every new face that was added to it, it made it harder to keep going. He couldn’t forget the faces of people who were close enough for him to see the life leave their eyes and the worst ones that plagued him were the faces of the people if they had been near. The fear and pain that seemed to just radiate from their eyes, how they would twist round trying to find the person who had taken them away. 

He wanted to be frozen, just so he could stop adding to the faces he saw but he also didn’t as he knew the minute he was woken more faces would be added. 

——————

He sat down in the chair, getting ready to be cleared so that he was ready for to be put back under. Taking a deep breath and opening his mouth, he heard a shout and saw the hand holding the guard drop. 

“The asset is needed.” A blond man said, standing at the entrance of the area. Standing from the chair and watching as the people around him scrambled to collect all his clothes and weapons. Strapping him in to everything and covering his mouth with the guard. He had always been told it was to hide his identity, but it kept his jaw pretty much shut. He could only just speak but it was something he tried to avoid at all costs. 

The blond man walked him through the halls, his hand clamped as tightly as he could run his flesh arm and he found himself being placed in the vehicle that was used when they were unsure of his mental state. Where he was locked down unable to move or talk, he could barely even breath if he didn’t sit completely still. 

Staring straight ahead at the man that was with him, he could see him move only enough to show his discomfort with being stuck in there with The Asset. Closing his eyes and listening to the tires run over the roads and the guy try and keep his breathing slow and calm he found himself almost drifting off. 

——————

“You are needed in there.” The blond told him, one hand grasping his gun the other pointing towards a table in a kitchen. 

Nodding slowly he made his way over to the house, getting in was easier than he expected and he sat at the chair. The house was almost completely engulfed in darkness, the only light coming from a hall off the kitchen. He heard footsteps come towards him, he slumped down in the chair a little. Placing the gun on the table in front of him. 

He stared as the man walked into the kitchen, he had been informed to listen to everything the man said and to do as he was instructed to do. 

“Milk?” The man said opening the refrigerator and pulling out a carton. He had to forcibly stop himself from raising his eyebrow at the man, this was not what normally happened when he was sent to these kind of meetings. The man seemed to actually want a confirmation so he shook his head gently, bare amount of movement. 

The man shrugged his shoulders and poured himself a glass, before walking towards him. 

“Plans have been moved up.” he said, taking a drink, “They have cost me Zola and I need a confirmed kill.” He sat down in the chair opposite him. The glass placed on the table. 

Thats when a woman walked in, she stared right at him and one hand was clenched up next to her heart. Like she wasn’t sure of what she was looking at. That a man sat in the complete dark and muzzled was something she would live to see again. 

The man clicked his tongue and picked the gun up from the table, he spoke at the woman then shot her three times. All of the shots hitting her in the chest. Blinking slowly and watching as the man placed the gun down on the table. The man looked down at his hand and wiped it on his shirt, before finishing the milk he had left in his glass. 

The man smiled at him and sighed a little, motioned at the gun. Which he took back from the table and placed it back in his thigh holster, and stood. “Can you deal with that.” The man flicked his hand towards the now dead woman on the floor, tipping his head down in acknowledgement he stood. Grabbing the woman are and pulling her over his shoulder he carried her out to the vehicle, to see the blond man leaning against it cigarette in his mouth. He almost seemed to jump as he finally spotted him, flinging open the doors and watching as he dumped the body on the floor. 

Moving past the man he sat in his place, waiting to be strapped back in. 

He had to be ready for their mission to begin, make sure that they had gone through every variable that could occur. he may not be the lead when it came to these things but if things didn’t go how predicted then he was often the one who would pay the consequences. 

The straps were tight round him and he closed his eyes, drifting off as it could be the only time he gets some form of rest till this mission is completed. 

——————

He found himself in a helicopter, following a man that had been just confirmed to spilling the secrets of the organisation. Looking down he had been told exactly which car he had to get to and eliminate the mole then kill the other passengers in the car. 

Standing staring down at the car he got ready for the jump, he had one shot at this. 

Jumping down and feeling their rush past him he kept his focus on landing on the car. He crashed down on the roof and smashed his arm through the window, grabbing a hold of the mole and pulled him out. He heard a truck coming and flung him right into it, there was no chance the mole would survive it and he had one down and three to go. 

Standing up on the top of the car, he pulled his gun out and started shooting through the roof sure that he was going to at least get one hit in. What he didn’t expect was for the driver to put on the breaks and cause him to fly off the roof and roll down the hood. His body started skidding down the road and he put out his hand knowing that it could take the strain of what was happening and stop him from getting to far away from his targets. 

Standing up, he watched as the red headed woman he had seen before pulled out a gun and aimed it at him. For his back up to come behind them and crash into them. Forcing the car forwards and right for him. He braced himself getting ready to fling himself on the car. 

Springing up and grasping the front window, he found himself flat on his chest on top of the car. He could hear other cars skidding out of the way, the fast breaths coming from himself and his heart pumping blood round his body. He found himself smiling almost under the mask, this was something he had longed to have for years. 

Moving forward he punched his hand through, grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it from the car; for a bullet to whiz past his head. Which made him leap backwards onto the car behind him. He wasn’t going to risk getting himself killed, because he was sure they had a way of making sure he wasn’t actually dead. He stayed put as the car flipped, thinking it would possibly kill one of them he heard himself growl as they all somehow fit onto a door and got out as safe as they could. He watched them as they drove past and pulled over. 

Climbing from the hood, one of the soldiers handed him a gun. He was going to get rid of them no matter what it took. He fired at the one with the shield the one they had said was the one they needed a confirmed kill on, the most important one out of all of them. He watched as the shot hit his shield and sent him flying, the noise of cars crashing and people screaming confirmed he had been hit and sent flying but a kill could not be confirmed unless he had the body. 

He stalked forward, gun held in his hands and men behind him ready to shoot on sight. He saw the red head pop up from behind a car and sent another her way. Watching as the car exploded in fire and glass, but knowing she had dodged out of the way just in time. But followed her, listening as the others shot at her and waiting for the perfect shot. He found it as she ran behind a car, it gave him a larger target and one that if it hit her would cause maximum damage. 

He moved away to the other side of the bridge, handing off the gun he no longer needed to get one from one of the others. Standing looking over the bridge he tried to find any clues to where the others would be, looking round he spotted the over turned bus and the shield right next to it. Getting ready to wait and shoot the target when he came to return his shield, he didn’t expect to have bullets come flying for his face and for one to hit his eye protection, cracking the glass. 

Pressing his back against the side of the bridge, he ripped it from his face. Looking down at the broken glass and throwing it to his side, he needed to get rid of the red head. 

Springing up he started shooting at where she had been and a few shots showed him where her true place was, which gave him the place he needed to shoot. He began shooting before she started to run out of range, narrowing his eyes slightly he turned to the other men. 

“She’s mine” he said. 

Jumping over the edge of the bridge and landing on a car, he started strutting towards where she was headed. He heard the rapid firing of machine guns behind him but thought nothing of it because it was nothing to do with the one he was after. 

He kept stalking after her, trying to hear or see any clues that would show where she was, a police car came his way but he shot at it. He didn’t have time to deal with civilians, they were in the way of his most important mission he had ever been on. He watched as they ran past, screaming and holding each other but he did not care. 

As he moved he trued to keep his footsteps as silent as possible, when he heard the soft murmuring of a voice. And once he worked out what it was saying he knew exactly where his next shot had to go. Leaning down so he was hidden by another car, he rolled an explosive towards the noise and waited. 

The explosion burst up and he was shocked that while standing, that she was suddenly on him and knocked his gun from his hand. She pulled a wire out and tried to wrap it round his neck, but he got his hand up in time and moved back to slam her against the hood of the car. Then flipped her onto the car in front of him, retrieved his gun and got ready to shoot her when something hit his metal arm, then it dropped lifeless to his side. 

He watched as she darted away from him. 

Pulling the thing from his arm and feeling it almost jolt back to life, he swung it round making sure it actually worked now. Moving quietly and out of the way behind her, he fired a shot which he was sure had hit it’s mark. Darting onto the roof of a car he took aim to finish her when he heard footsteps. 

Spinning round he was faced with the blond, and went to punch him. But got the shield instead, which was much stronger than anything he had encountered before. Flinging the shield aside with his other hand and kicking the blond in the chest, watching as he crouched behind it as he shot repeatedly at him. He bolted to get a different gun and saw as the blond ran, using the shield to stop anything from hitting him. 

He felt a soft growl leave his lips, as he was getting frustrated with trying to get these three targets. 

Shooting at him with one gun, which didn’t seem to do anything he dropped his arm to grab another for the blond to flip over the top of the car and kick it out of his hand. He managed to get a few shots in with the small gun he had left but the bullets just bounced off the shield, he knew his only chance of ending this was close hand to hand. 

He got in close grabbing the shield, forcing the blond to spin while he was still attached and get a punch or two in, before taking the shield from him. The blond rolled away from him and looked up at him from his place crouched on the ground. He knew the shield would be a good way to keep him away while hitting him with his better arm. 

He stood ready for the next attack coming his way, breathing deeply and quickly. He flung the shield past the blonds head, meaning that he wouldn't have use of it and as he got close pulled pout a knife and started trying to stab or even cut the blond. While the blond wasn’t as skilled as he was, he was fast and able to dodge the attacks. But quickly he found himself being punched in the face and kicked in the chest. 

When his body hit the car, he quickly found himself getting a knee to the chest and straight back into the hand to hand. Still he tried to stab the blond, pushing him back so that he wasn’t pinned any longer. But somehow he was flipped over his shoulder and turned to grab him with his metal arm round the throat. Then throwing him backwards over the car and following him. He knew that if he jumped down and punched him with his metal arm, there was no way he would survive it. 

But the blond rolled out of the way, so he followed him up. Both of them getting their punches in and forcing him against a van he pulled a knife out. Which the blond was able to grab and force into the side of the van and drag along with them. Spinning at the end he turned to see the blond had the shield back and knew this put him at a slight disadvantage. But not enough that he still couldn’t succeed. 

He got in close, trying to stab him with the knife. But then the shield was in-between the plates that made up his arm and he couldn’t move. A hand flung round and grabbed him by the face. He felt his body being thrown and the mask coming loose, which wasn’t a big deal at that moment. If the blond saw his face it wasn’t an issue he wasn’t going to be alive for much longer anyway. 

Turning slowly to face the blond sans mask, he didn’t understand the expression on their face. He frowned and glared slightly, when the blond said, “Bucky.” 

The sudden words made him growl out, “Who the hell is Bucky?” Before he raised his gun to shoot, but was knocked over by the other target who seemed to swoop in with a pair of large metal wings. 

Standing up again and for a second something jolted in him telling him to protect the blond, but he forced it down and raised his gun. But yet again he was stopped when the red head aimed at him and fired. He flipped out of the way and hid behind the car, waiting to get retrieved and taken to base. 

Cars screeched past him and he couldn’t stop the odd feeling inside, and the throbbing that was happening on his neck. He did not enjoy what was happening. 

——————

He was escorted back to base and lead back to the room. He couldn’t process what anyone was saying around him, all he could hear was the voices of the memories that were coming back. The faces of all the people he knew. His heart was aching, he could remember the smells of each and every person of his past. 

Then came memories he did not want to remember, watching the blond disappear as he fell. He could remember names and the pain. He remembered waking up, seeing his arm being sawn off and the hooks of metal digging into his skin. 

It was was then he heard and felt someone at his arm, fixing it onto him. Before he could do anything to stop himself he shoved them out of the way. He just sat, listening as guns were drawn on him and then letting himself fall further back into memories. Of getting the blond to dance with him and the laughter from his friend, Peggy. God did he miss Peggy. 

He could hear a voice talking to him but he was still too lost to even care. Then a sharp slap caught him, he stiffened his body and stared at the man. He processed him asking for a mission report, but he didn’t feel the need to answer. 

“There was a man on the bridge…”

He could see the man looked unnerved by the question, “You saw him on a mission earlier.” 

Frowning at himself the answer just wasn’t right, “…I knew him.” 

Then he was hearing he was being wiped and went into the only thing he did know, how to act. he felt his body be shoved back, the cuffs hold him into the chair and the rubber mouth piece being forced into his mouth. 

Then the parts closed over his face and all he could do was scream. He knew this was much more painful than the ones before, they truly were trying to wipe him back to the start, before he had first killed for them. He couldn’t stop screaming he felt like his head would explode, the pain was blinding him and all he wanted to remember was the blond. How they had smiled at him. 

——————

He stared round at the area he had been sent to, he knew his orders were to get rid of the targets. But he had been sent after the blond, while his now second was going for the one with wings. Growling low, he made his way to him. Shooting down a fighter that was about to help the blond and he walked keeping his face completely flat. He was going to shoot down every fighter he had too. 

He punched and kicked people getting his way, he needed a fighter and he was taking one. Once he got in the cockpit, he took off and made his way up to the Helicarrier where the blond would be, he simply had to get there. He landed the fighter on the top and made his way over to where they had landed. 

He was stuck fighting both of them, while it was difficult he didn’t struggle. He kicked and punched them, then finally kicked the flying one while ripping off a wing. A fall from this height would mean zero chance of survival for him. 

He ran down to where they kept everything that kept this helicarrier flying, he stood staring at the blond. The costume he was wearing made something in his memories flicker, but he did not allow himself to focus on it. He couldn’t deal with the pain again, he was sure it would kill him next time. 

“People are gonna die, Buck.” The blond said, he felt his skin prick up at the name and he couldn’t think why. “I can’t let that happen…” he gritted his teeth as the blond said those words. 

“Pleas don’t make me do this.” The blonds voice cracked, that’s when he knew he would win this fight. The blond obviously knew something about him that made him weak, which he knew how to exactly use against him. 

The shield came flying at him and he made it bounce off his arm, before firing his gun. The bullets bounced and he let him get close enough that he could fight him hand to hand again. A bullet finally grazed the skin and he knew this would make everything much easier him. The outfit had no defence qualities in it. 

He kept fighting him, knowing that if the blond completed his mission, then he would have failed and he did not like the possible outcomes that could come from that. He kept fighting, punching, stabbing, kicking and grabbing at the blond just to try and stop him from even possibly completing. He kept going even when he saw him open the hatch he needed to. He was breathing heavily giving his all to stop what was happening. No matter what he wasn’t going back to relive that pain. 

The blond was so close to completing it he simply had to insert the chip. Fighting him with all his might, using his own shield to stop him and when he finally plunged the knife into his shoulder. The man fought like it still didn’t hurt him. 

But the slight moment had him being held by the arm, he could hear him screaming for him to stop it. Then he felt pain and the most horrific noise come from his shoulder as it was pulled from the joint and fell back. Arms wrapped round his neck, he couldn’t breathe and a scent he remember started filling his nose. He struggled to get away from it. He didn’t know why but he felt like he shouldn’t fight. But feeling his metal arm being pinned at his side was almost to much and then it went black. 

——————

When he finally came through, his arm was hanging uselessly and he was swaying. He could see him at the panel and knew that there was no way he would be able to get up there and stop him. Especially with only one working arm. So he pulled out his gun and shot him, he watched as he fell and felt like he may have accomplished his mission. 

He listened as suddenly gunshots rang out. He turned to look around and he was suddenly under neath a bar and screamed. 

He knew he was going to die. He almost felt like this would be better. No more pain and no more faces haunting him in the cold. 

He lay there feeling his body scream in pain, listening as he slowly fell out of the sky. The crash of the other ships as they hit water and sank away. He was going to join them and he was ready. 

Until he saw the blond making his way towards him, bleeding from his shoulder and his stomach. He was dragging himself towards him, which he couldn’t understand, did this man not want him dead. Then he was there pulling up the beam and he could wiggle out. He rolled onto his back and staggered to his feet. 

“You know me!” was shouted his way and he couldn’t hold back the anger. 

“No!” He moved forward, “You don’t!” he shouted swinging round and punching him with his only working arm. he heard the ship falling apart under him. 

But the blond kept getting back up, “Bucky. You know me, you're my Alpha.” he said, like it was fact that he was stating fact. Breathing quickly through his nose he swung his arm out and caught him again. And as he stood up he spoke, “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes…”

“Shut up!” he screamed again hitting him, he was feeling and smelling things and all he could think about was the pain he was going to have to go through. 

He stood looking at him when the blond stood up, squared his bloody body and dropped his arms. He couldn’t help but frown outwardly at this man, it made no sense for him to act this way. Even if he knew who he was he didn’t know what he was or what he had done. Then a thud rang through the the area as the shield hit the ground and fell through a hole; the blond said, “I’m not gonna fight you. You’re my friend.”

That was it those words had his mind spinning and he couldn’t stop his body from flinging itself at him. Pinning him to the ground, his arm hanging his side useless, but using all of his lower body to keep him down and he repeatedly punched the man in the face. he watched bruises form instantly, his lip split, his eye swell shut and yet the blond just took it. He couldn’t help but scream at him “You’re my mission!” a breath and a punch, “YOU ARE MY MISSION!” 

When lifting to punch him again, he saw the mans lips part. Pausing for only a second he spoke, “Then finish it.” he could feel his eyes widening, “‘Cause I’m with you ’til the end of the line.” He let his hand fall to his side, then watched as the glass beneath them broke and fell. Hanging onto the beam he watched him fall. 

It hit him right there. The memories and the names and everything he had been forced to forget. Steve, Peggy, Angie and the bonding. The changes and the love he felt. Right then he understood why Steve didn’t want to fight him. And watching him fall he suddenly knew how Steve felt when he fell. 

Bucky saw him hit the water and let go, falling after Steve. The water made his hurt arm jostle and pull more painfully. But he pushed through the water, trying to catch a glimpse of Steve. The bright red of his uniform stood out in the murky water and he pushed himself towards him. Wrapped his good arm round him and swam for the light. 

Breaching the water he looked quickly for somewhere to go. The smallest amount of land was close and he swam there. Arm useless and Steve heavy and dragging him down. Puling him up into the shore, he turned and dived in again. He swam down until his lungs were screaming, the shield glittered under the water. Making his way back to Steve he leaned down and forced air back into his lungs and made his heart beat. 

Then before Steve woke he pressed his face into his neck smelling the scent of their bond, grazing his teeth gently against it and forcing himself to leave before Steve awoke. The sand made the walk harder than it was but he didn’t turn back he kept walking. 

——————

It was only a week later, he found himself in oversized clothes and staring up at a picture of him and Steve. It spoke of their friendship, how he had died to save Steve and the rest of The Howling Commandos. 

All he knew was that he was going to learn how to be Bucky again, just so he could be a better alpha. One that Steve could love, like he had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating. I am fucking useless, but I hope you liked it. If you want to message me you can do it here [My blog](http://thestuckynation.tumblr.com)


	4. Remembering Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to become his alpha was hard, but trying to save him was even harder.

It had been months, he had kept up with what Steve and what he had been doing. It was when he was doing his normal checks on the people that they had known that it came up, he saw it right there on the buzzing computer screen. A name he had never thought he would see in a obituary section, even though she had just had her ninety-fifth birthday, Margret Carter was written right there. His throat seemed to tighten up. She had been one of the few people that understood what it was like to love Steve and loose him. 

He had planned in time, once he was one hundred percent sure that he wouldn’t just shut down and kill her, to go see her. Hold her hand hear about her life, how she had children with Angie and how they had grown up and just talk to someone that understood how out of place they felt. Just someone he could talk to about life before. 

But Bucky looked down, his hair brushing his cheeks and his hand shaking. He knew tears would be streaming down his face and that people that walked past him would know he was crying; which he just couldn’t let happen. He had tried to hard to blend in for people to just not notice him. 

Shutting down the computer, he moved to the front desk and smiled at the little old blind woman who sat there. She was endlessly sweet to him, letting him sit on the computers for longer than anyone else. She also would tell him all about the things she was trying to eat, to get herself healthy and keep her memory as much as she could. She didn’t know that Bucky had started following her lead, he was eating anything he found online that seemed to help with memory loss. 

His first issue was that most of it was expensive, so he kept to the things that were near season; things he could pick up in the markets for much cheeper prices. The second was that most of the foods he didn’t like or they tasted nothing like they had before. It was bananas that really rubbed him the wrong way, they tasted nothing like he remembered and he just would not eat them. 

He had been sitting with Maria, she had been sitting eating the plums he had brought in with him and had handed him the banana she had been planning on eating. He hadn’t thought anything of it before peeling it and taking a bite. He could still remember the feeling of the partially chewed mush in his mouth, how the taste made him frown and stare down at the banana in his hand. Then leaning over and spitting it in the bin, dropping the rest on top. 

Marias laughter had filled the air. Her hand touching his forearm, squeezing lightly and she said “I guess it was off. I am so sorry Jamie.” her voice, every time he heard it made him think of his Grandma. Her soft powdery smell and her hair always perfectly done, she really was letting him remember things from before. 

Bucky walked from the library, scrubbing his gloved hand down his face. He walked head down, covered up and with a cap on his head. It didn’t do much to make him look like he should fit in, but it did hide a good portion of his face as he walked. People would glance his way but never stared simply taking him as one of the few odd ones that would walk around the streets, especially considering the area he lived in. 

——————

He saw the stalls out of the corner of his eye. The way children were running through the stalls, hearing customers bartering prices down in rapid fire Romanian and he stood staring at the stalls covered in flowers. 

Breathing deeply through his nose, his eyes locked on his leather gloved hands. 

He moved to look at them, smelling the sweet scent pouring over his entire body and moving towards the ones that so closely reminded him of the lipstick he never saw Peggy without. He truly imagined her being the ninety-five year old woman, with hair and make-up perfectly in place and that swipe of perfectly red lipstick. Which always seemed to stain Steves cheek when they had been out on double dates with her and Angie.

The bright red roses called to him, they even vaguely smelt of her perfume. He just had to have one, because there was no way he would be able to send flowers but he could atlas have one to remember her by. 

He walked home, the rose gripped in his hand and it was wrapped in newspaper. Bucky knew that her funeral would be in the next few days and as much as he would want to be there. Say goodbye to her, leave flowers for both her and Angies graves and meet the children they had together. He knew it wasn’t safe. People were still looking for him and he didn’t feel like even being near where Steve, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave him again. 

Bucky placed the flower in the tiny vase he had, smiling at how it glowed under the light streaming in from the window. He sat on the small table and chair he had managed to set up, pulling a notebook out and starting to write down memories he had recovered. The one he remembered just that morning was the one from the first time he went on double date. 

——————

He remembers standing outside the dinner, Steve pressed close to his side. They were shivering as the snow leaked into their shoes, Steves icy hands pressed under his jacket, the cold fingers twitching against his sides. Making Buckys skin jump every time his fingers touched a new spot. His arm was wrapped his shoulders and he pulled him forward; so his face was pressed to his chest. 

Steve laughed into Buckys chest as Bucky wrapped his thick coat round him, his cold nose warming slowly against the warm plains of Buckys chest. What he didn’t expect was for one of Steves hand to move from the small of his back, moving slowly round his torso; his fingers warm now and brushing every part of him. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he knew what Steve was going to do and he should tell him to stop. 

There was snow covering most of their feet, settling and no longer melting in their hair. Their breath fogging around them. But underneath Buckys far to large coat, pressed tightly to him, Steve was making his skin burn. The hand moved up. Unbuttoning his shirt, warm fingers brushing the skin next to his peck and moving the material away just enough. Steves lips brushed the skin, which made Bucky pull the coat together further up, over Steves head. 

He still felt the hand, rubbing small circles on his lower back and the other clutching at his hip. He knew anyone walking past would see his breath coming out in a thick fog, the slight movements of Steve underneath his jacket. But there was so much of the chance that people wouldn’t know what was going on underneath that coat. 

Bucky could feel himself slowly hardening in his trousers and Steve was too, it was pressed tightly against his leg. Which had him panting. Because there was no way that he could touch Steve, he was the one having to keep the coat secured around them; making sure that no one got a free show. 

Licking his lips and panting, he could smell Steve. The smell of both of them getting turned on and the noises they were both making. Steves were muffled by him keeping his mouth fastened on him, Steves fingers skimmed round the top of his pants. Fingers pulling the belt open and loosening it only enough for him to be able to slip his in. The fingers felt cooler when they dipped across the skin right above his pubic hair. The breath was positively punched out of his lungs and he looked around. He could see a red hat rounding the corner, but the face was hidden. Peggy was turned towards Angie whose head was down her mouth covered with a gloved hand and he could tell she was laughing. 

“We are going to be late to dinner.” Bucky said, while smirking down at Steve. Who stopped all movement and looked up at him, a small frown forming between his eyes and Bucky kept his eyes locked on the swollen pink lips. 

Grabbing Steve and pulling him into the alleyway, which due to the heat coming from the kitchen didn’t have a hint of snow. Moving so they were hidden in the shadows, he picked Steve up and placed him on top of pallets. They didn’t move under his weight. Leaning forward he kissed Steve, felt him smirk under his mouth and twist his hands tightly into his hair. The tugging weight had him, pulled between Steves legs and hands resting on the rough wood. 

Biting and sucking at each others mouths, the smell of them together must be permeating the area around them. Because it was making Buckys head spin, along with the slow grind of their hips and Bucky moved his mouth to his neck. No where near the claiming mark, it wasn’t that he didn’t trust himself its just that it made Steve completely clam up and freak out. 

He sucked the pale skin, teeth dragging their way to his collar bone and biting. He had to leave marks on him. 

Steves hands pulled his belt apart, then moved to rip the last few buttons open and one popped off and rolled down the alleyway. Steves icy hands rubber over him, slipping down his pants again and grabbing at him roughly through his boxers. Which had him moaning so loudly into Steves neck and his dick jumping against palm. The hand moved roughly against him through the worn fabric of his boxers, making precum leak from the head. 

It was right then he started pulling Steves one good shirt up his chest, so it was wedged up in his armpits and pulling the rope Steve deemed to use as a belt. His hand pushed down the back of his pants and underwear, feeling the small jump of the flesh under his cool hands. He kept touching him listening as Steve breathed into his ear. The way one hand gripped so tight into his hip, nail marks would be obvious for days and Bucky would love to touch them. He would touch them when he was getting himself off just thinking about the marks and breathing. 

“Please…touch me Buck.” Steve moaned loudly into his ear, leg wrapping round his hip and pulling him in close. 

Bucky slipped his fingers down. The small out of slick coming from Steve had him moaning and crushing them closer, the more he worked that single finger in the more slick Steve started to produce. He pushed the pants down and off, boxers too. He slipped more fingers in, but only when Steve asked and dug his foot harder into Buckys lower back. It was when Steve grabbed the front of his pants and pulled them right down to him knees. 

Bucky grit his teeth, they were going to do this out here. “Fuck. Stevie.” he sucked on his collarbone harder, “You are gonna kill me.” Then his fingers slipped free. Moving back slightly to look between Steves thighs, slick wet against them and glistening in the blue light. 

A hand pulled his face up, he stared right into Steves eyes and couldn’t take his eyes off of Steves face, watching as it screwed up as Bucky pushed in. The panting, nails digging into his neck and the rough pull of Steves feet against his back. This was different for them, Buck was almost never on top of Steve, always letting him be on top and control. Which Bucky loved more than anything. 

But right now pushing into Steve, feeling close. His hands pulling the top pallet away from the wall, his hips snapping against Steve and the sound of skin on skin was deafening. He felt it that tight coil in his belly and heard as Steve came against his chest. Then he was lost. In the scent of Steve, the feeling of him round him and it was just everything. 

Steve burst out laughing, which was just amazing. Bucky really did love everything about Steve and he was glad that it wasn’t all his fault that they were late for dinner. Peggy would know and smile while all Angie would do was tease them. But the way she would do it, would have them all smiling and laughing. 

——————

Bucky couldn’t help but think that alleyways seemed to be a very popular thing for them, he laughed slightly. 

He sat flicking through his journals, looking at pictures of Steve, Peggy and Angie, he had collected. How they had lived through everything and the parts he had slowly remembered and written down, but the memories he wrote down were not all nice ones. Some were the ones that they tried to wipe for him to forget all the people they had him kill. So he would forget the faces that still haunted his dreams. 

The cold dead eyes he saw more than ones full of life. The ones that he saw every time he closed his own, he wrote about every single mission he could remember, except one. One that he felt haunted him to his very core. The only one he really couldn’t forgive himself for. 

He still could see the recognition in his eyes, the way his mouth went to say his name. The one he had been trained came with pain and he did what he was sent to do. He had to kill his friend, one of the few people that had cared for Steve as a friend and he knew when he thought about it was also in love with Steve. Not for the way he looked. Not because he was an omega. But just because he was Steve. Amazing brilliant Steve. 

Rubbing his hand over his face and hiding the notebook, he started to eat some of the food he had collected. Nothing about what he kept large stocks of was healthy, bar the fruit he bought all the time, though right now he had only an orange left and he knew he would get more tomorrow. 

——————

He was walking through town, through the market and saw plums. He smiled and stood holding one in his hand, gently pressing the soft fruit with his thumb seeing how much give he would get from it. Smelling the sweet and tangy juice that leaked from it. Smiling gently at the man selling them, asking how much it would be for the bag he had put together. 

It really wasn’t much and he walked away. Looking up he saw man staring at him, he frowned slightly then moved towards him. Watched as the mans face contorted in fear and he ran. Bucky moved quickly over and thats when he saw it. His face. His face all over the place. All he could read was that he needed to run. He had to get his journals and find somewhere safe. 

Bucky ran. He ran and ran and ran. 

It was when he was aware of that scent. He stood frozen. That smell was one he had craved.

That smell of his other half, the person he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with and the one he had to stay away from if he was going to become the true alpha that Steve really needed. He couldn’t look at that face. No matter how much he wanted to run and press himself against Steve. Feel and hear his heartbeat against him, be completely wrapped up in that scent of him. But looking at his back and watching him leaf through the journal he had left out that day; hoping when he came back he could write down more of his memories while eating the plums he had bought. 

He listened as Steve spoke to whoever was on the other line, his back going rigid as he realised that he was longer alone. The soft movement of his shoulder, how his back swelled with the deep breath that he took and how his hand touched that spot on his neck. Bucky could only imagine how Steve would be looking down at the floor, his brow creased and his lips pressed into a hard fine line. Nothing about making him feeling this way, made Bucky feel okay. 

He clenched his jaw, his hands turning to fists and thats when he remembered the words that came through the speaker. He had to get ready to fight. To stay away from Steve and get better. 

Then he turned, Steve turned and looked straight at him. His eyes dragging up and down his whole body, along his clothes, his hair poking out from under his hat and his face. The way his eyes softened he knew right then it was because he was confused. This wasn’t the Bucky Steve fondly remembered, this was a broken version of the Alpha he had fallen in love with. Bucky needed to get away right now. 

But then Steve spoke to him and he was stuck. 

“Do you know me?” he spoke, his breath was rattling round the room. 

And Bucky knew he had to lie. Even if Steve had read the whole thing, he thought he could maybe play it off as things he had learnt from the internet, from books, from the hundreds of exhibits about Steve. “You’re Steve. I read about you in a museum.” 

Thats when he heard it. “They set the perimeter.” ring through Steves headset. It was time to go. 

But he stood completely still, watched Steve put down the book he had left out. And like that he knew Steve knew he had lied; he even listened to him say it right to his face. But he had to let Steve know that he would never be that thing he had been before, had to let him know he was trying to get better. He had to make Steve believe that he wouldn’t do that anymore. 

They stood talking, they stood talking while people were getting ready to come in and kill him. An the way Steve was standing he knew that they would kill him too for trying to help him and there was no way he was going to let that happen. He had helped keep Steve alive during the war and one small fight wasn’t going to get Steve and Bucky knew he had to keep going, just to keep Steve from doing something stupid and getting himself killed. 

Moving to where he needed to be, he pulled off his gloves. The metal in his arm moving, flexing as if he was stretching fingers; getting ready to fight for or with Steve. 

Moving fast he fought. He fought like he only did with Steve. Knowing that whatever he threw his way he would know what to do. Cover an explosive with his shield, watch him pull a rug from under a guys feet so he wouldn’t shoot him. Which at any other time would have made him laugh, but right now all he could do was smirk a little and think about the men about to come through his front door. Definitely about to shoot both of them dead if they got the chance. 

So he moved fighting with Steve, his breath was in his throat and he listened as Steve shouted at him. Telling him he could kill people, but what was few more faces to the ones that haunted him every time he closed his eyes. 

Slamming Steve to the floor, he saw only fear in his eyes. He lifted his fist and he could could Steve thinking that he was going to bash his skull in, that Steve thought he could do that made his stomach turn and his palm sweat. This showed that Steve couldn’t trust him yet, that he wasn’t ready to be back with Steve no matter how much he wanted it. Steve didn’t want him back yet. 

His hand sunk through the boards, like they were paper and clutched around his bag. Everything he needed was in it, he could get away try and hide. Stay away from Steve and try and break everything they had forced into his head. Make it right. He threw his bag and said right at Steve, “I’m not going to kill anyone.” his voice was deep and rough with limited use and the adrenaline running through him. 

Turning shots rang through the air, hitting his metal arm and then the shield Steve wrapped round them both. He was so close and Bucky wanted to touch him. He wrapped an arm round his waist ready to spin him out of the way if needed. The touch of their sides pressed together had him groaning, he hoped this wasn’t the last time he would touch him. 

Bodies were coming from everywhere, the one coming through the window made him realise his only home of saving Steve was by throwing him at the guy, blocking the on coming bullets with his hand and knocking the guy out. He just had to keep knocking everyone out. He couldn’t kill anyone if he wanted Steve to trust him now. Just keeping knocking them out. 

Thats all he thought about while trying to get out of the building. Even when he could hear Steves sarcastic voice ringing out behind him, looking at his face had him forcing down a smile and keeping going for the one goal he had. Which was running. 

He kept running even when he had to fight a man dressed like a giant black cat. When he got on a bike and kept going as the guy tried to pull him off. He had no idea who he was or why he was coming after him. But right now he didn’t care or want to find out. 

Looking up from the ground, he saw the black cat take his mask off and he knew. This was the son of the man he had supposedly killed. it made sense but there was no way he could get him to believe him, not when he had fought him and kept running. 

They pulled him up, hands cuffed with what he knew was handcuffs he could break from. But it wouldn’t be a good idea, he would be shot and killed before he could even get away, Maybe this way he would get to live, this way Steve wouldn’t have to feel him die. Feel their bond mark burn and then fade, so he couldn’t feel anything anymore. Like he had for years. How it had made him give up for good, let them do whatever they had wanted for him. 

He just let them take him. While his eyes were on the ground looking away from Steve all he could feel were his eyes. 

——————

Staring at the roof, he imagined what life could have been like. 

What if they hadn’t gone to war. What if Steve had stayed home, heard about Bucky dying and had met another alpha. Someone who loved him just as much as Bucky did. Had got mated, had children, had a life that they just couldn’t ever have now. 

Maybe he would have grown old, watching his children play with Angie and Peggys. He would have had a good life, the white picket fence life he had wanted. The one they had dreamed of having after the war, but without the burden. 

He still felt pricks of tears biting at the corner of his eyes just thinking about it. Maybe it would be better if he was dead. Steve worked with alphas, he could smell them on him and one of them surely would want to love Steve, bond with him and share their life with him. Closing his eyes, he started counting his heartbeat, remembering that very first time he had saw Steve and how at that time he knew he would never love anyone that way. 

The way their bodies pressed together while dancing, how cold the air was around them while they kissed and the first time Steve had let them be together. He could die with all of these good memories and let all the bad ones die with him. Let Steve remember more of the good times they had, than the ones that were starting to form. 

——————

He sat in his tiny glass cage. Waiting. Tapping his flesh fingers against the metal, counting each second as it passed by. Waiting for this man they had brought in to talk to him. Some man that would be able to understand him. One that could hep him, assess him. All he knew was that if he couldn’t break what had been placed into his head, what chance did a man that had never experienced anything like this do. 

Then a voice rang through the room. 

“Hello, Mr Barnes.” He could hear the small smile in his voice, like he was almost excited to be even talking to him. The hairs at the back of his neck stood up and he got ready for whatever was about to come his way. “I was sent here on behalf of the United Nations to evaluate you. Do you mind if I sit?” Like Bucky could stop him, the words coming out of his mouth felt like ice water trickling down his spine. Like he was taking his time and waiting for something to happen. 

He called him James, and he couldn’t stand having this man talk to him for hours calling him that. He needed to hear words that would stop him feeling like the machine they had trained him to be, going from calling him the asset to James when they felt that he had done well. 

But he couldn’t say a thing, how was he meant to talk to this man. He did not understand. But every question he used his name, and the feeling running through his veins had him feeling like he did after he had killed someone, that rush of a good job done. That he was going to get something good, maybe food, maybe he could clean himself, maybe making his arm less heavy. Just something that showed him he was good. James was something he just wouldn’t be called by. 

So he said it, “My name is Bucky.” 

Looking up at the man he saw a smile pull across his lips and his stomach churned. 

The questions coming from this man, he didn’t want to answer them. But he was saying things about things he didn’t understand. When he was the asset his eyes were not his, they belonged to the people that owned him. They said words and he was a machine, a living breathing one but not he did what he was told and came back. He always felt he was watching things through a tv screen but they still haunted him. He could see his hands doing things, feel the rush he got when he completed the mission he was set out to do and he felt good. He felt good and bad and it just didn’t make sense to him. 

Then it happened, the room plunged into darkness for only a second before, the red lights that signalled a power outage and a back up generator starting up. Only using the power that was completely needed. 

Looking at the Doctor, he knew right then it was a setup. 

“Lets discuss your home.” he frowned, this didn’t make sense. “Not Romania, definitely not Brooklyn. No. I mean your real home.” And then he saw that book. His jaw clenched at the site of that book, of the memories that came from that book and what he became because of that book. This couldn’t be happening. His breath was coming out of his nose in quick succession. 

“Longing.” He closed his eyes, trying to block it out. 

“Rusted.” his whole body shook. 

He knew he was begging, the words slipping from his mouth. He just had to stop saying the words. This man had no idea what those words would make him do. The minute the last one was said, he would break out of this place. And keep killing and running till either he was killed or he got back to where he was meant to be and everything e had done in these past months would be for nothing. Bucky knew he would be back to the flesh and bone killing machine, just waiting for the orders of this man. 

“Seventeen.” 

“Daybreak.” His metal arm clenched ready to break him out. 

“Furnace.” He was out of the cuffs and pounding on the door, he didn’t know if it was to escape and do what his programming had trained him to do or to get out so he could kill this man and stop him talking. 

“Nine.”

“Benign” And he was punching the glass, he was going to get out. 

“Homecoming.” 

“One.” He kept punching. 

“Freight car.” The door flew off and he was stuck crouching on the floor. 

Then everything was blank, he stood and waited for orders. 

——————

Next thing he knew he was waking up. He was sat on a cold floor, his arm clamped so tight he couldn’t move it. 

The whirring of helicopters was all he could hear outside, there wasn’t much he could think about except for whatever had happened to him and snapped him out of what he was doing. 

Then Steve walked in. Followed by a Beta. Who stayed away but ready to fight with him, ready to protect Steve if he needed to and Bucky knew. He really did know that he wasn’t going to do anything to Steve, but he felt that this Beta was as mad on Steve as he felt. That he wanted to be with him, but kept his distance. Choosing to protect him the best he could. 

Bucky hated him. 

“Which Bucky am I talking too?” 

Bucky wanted to shout wanted to scream at Steve. Your Bucky. I am your Bucky. But that just wouldn’t work, it had to be things that only he would know. “Your moms name was Sarah.” he smiled softly as he remembered her. Her soft hair and how she shone like Steve did, a light that didn’t dim with her passing. “You used to put newspaper in your shoes.” 

Thats when that smile softened Steves face. His shoulders sagged and he moved. He moved so quick, he was there on his knees in front of him. His breaths soft, his scent surrounding Bucky and making his mouth open to try and get it over his tongue. 

Hands brushed his long hair from his face, pushing it back and away. Then their eyes locked, he heard the sound of shoes turning on the ground, a finger brushed his bottom lip and all he could keep his eyes on were Steves. The way they ran over his face, like they were seeing a person they had finally found. Like Steve could see the old him in the plains of his face. 

A hand held onto the back of his skull, not giving him the option to move. Their foreheads pressed together, his eyes shut and he smiled. Bucky moved his free hand to Steves cheek, running it over his face and into the soft blond hair. They both shifted and he was kissing Steve. 

Finally after he had wanted nothing more for months, remembering what it was like to kiss him. He was doing it. It was soft, nothing more than them brushing their lips together and remembering what they had. 

He went to follow Steve when he pulled away, he wasn’t ready yet. He needed just a second more, just one small moment more. When pain ripped through his shoulder and he fell sideways, leaning onto what every they used to keep him here. He felt tears in his eyes as he looked Steve, who had turned to Sam. Knowing that his eyes were now asking him to get them out of this. 

Then Steve started telling him everything he had done, he shut down a little. he had hoped that he hadn’t done much, but the way Steve spoke he knew it must have been horrific. He closed his eyes and started to speak, “Everything Hydra put in my head is still in there.” his voice no more than a whisper, “All he had to do was say those words.” 

“Anything I would want to know?” Steve said leaning forward again, resting their heads together. 

Swallowing and looking Steve right in the eye, “He wanted to know about Siberia. Where they kept me. The exact place.” Steve fixed with a look that shouted why? So he told him, he told him every little detail about that little place. About all the people they kept there, how they trained them and the details about the mission that he had asked about to. The one where he killed a friend, a face he remembered and one they had to almost kill him to forget about. 

The look in Steves eyes almost killed him, he didn’t try and grab him as he moved away. Didn’t say a word as he looked at Sam. Watched as they spoke without saying a single word, but it didn’t stop them from letting him out. 

Getting ready for what ever battle they were going to go into. So they left watching as Steve and Sam got on their phones, talking quickly. Moving towards a car that really wouldn’t fit into. 

——————

They were driving for sometime, then they pulled in under a bridge. 

There was a woman standing there, Steve got out of the car and walked towards her. He sat in the cold silence that was the car and watched as Steve spoke with her. Watched as she moved closer to him touched him and popped the trunk. He couldn’t help but smile when Steve did. He looked back at them and nodded, she had brought what he had asked for. 

Bucky leaned forward if only to get a better look at this alpha, she looked ever so slightly like Peggy and it bothered him to no end. She was someone that would give Steve a good life, but now he would fight anyone to try and give him that. 

It was right then, she leaned up, put her hand on the back of Steves head and pulled him into a kiss. And before he could even move a hand shot out and pushed him back. He couldn’t believe that a beta was doing this. But he knew there was no point in fighting when Steve pulled back. His face screwed up in confusion, her hand slipped down to rest on his chest. Words were being said so quickly he couldn’t read what they were saying. 

Then both their eyes locked on him, hers were slamming like she had lost to something so beneath her and Steves were soft and trying to get Bucky to understand this wasn’t what he wanted. That he did not want this alpha to kiss him. 

Bucky leant back, looked out the window and waited. 

——————

The journey had been full of talk, plans being spoken. Decisions being made, how they were going to fight their friends to stop what ever was happening from happening. 

They pulled into a car park, met the people who were going to help them. Watched as some man called Scott got all excited by meeting Steve, looked at him as the hero he was and complemented the girl who was near him. Making her smile and hide her face, Bucky couldn’t help but smile at just how good he seemed to want to make everyone feel. 

They all moved, pulling on outfits and pieces of armour that would help them in this fight. Then they were moving. 

He shut down a little. Knowing that if this plan was to go through he needed to focus on the plan that they had set down. All he knew was to run, keep Sam safe and to do what it took to get to that craft. Even if meant fighting a child, he was sure of it. He hated Stark for pulling a child into a fight he didn’t even understand. 

He kept running he had too. But he needed to get rid of this Spider child without hurting him, but when he was laying on the floor and watched him get pulled out of a window, by whatever thing Smh had he knew if the kid was hurt it wasn’t his fault. It lay on Stark. 

Buckys legs were straining, they were running together and thats when they hit a wall. A wall of people they had to fight, moving forward he shut down and went into a mode he kept down. One for fighting and if that meant to the point of not coming back so be it. 

Fists were flying, friends were fighting friends. He knew trying to explain why he had ran to this Prince would not make sense. 

——————

Before he knew it he was home. He was at the winter soldiers home. Snow crushing under his feet, cold ice wind cutting his cheeks and Steve right there next to him. He was taking him to a place where he had been tortured, trained to kill and rewarded for doing all of that. 

He needed to get through everything. 

——————

Laying there watching Steve getting hurt. Watching as the son of his best friend was trying to kill him. His shoulder was killing him where his arm used to be. He looked at it, the frayed wires and the smell of the hot metal. Taking a deep breath and feeling the ribs in his chest screaming against everything he felt, he had to help Steve. It was his body screaming at him that he was going to die, so this would be the last good thing he could do. 

Loosing his arm, he felt like that bad part of him was gone. He still had parts but at least it was gone. 

Grabbing Tonys leg, right as he was about to shoot Steve made every little difference. He looked down at him and stopped, even if it got him a kick to the jaw and had his head reeling. Nothing would normally get him like this but he had been fighting for days. Never having time to sleep, recover, just wanting to make sure Steve would be okay. That he would get out alive and could have a life even if it was one spent running from the people that had once supported him and loved him. 

He lay staring at the wall waiting for darkness to take over, for him to fall asleep and for everything that he had done to destroy the world to go with him and his squad of dead solders. Leave the world so it could heal and not have super assassins round every corner waiting to destroy it. 

Listening as the fight went on, listening for one set of breathing to slow and for his heart to stop. 

But then he was being pulled up. His arm slung round the only person he loved more that life, holding him up and dragging his death ready body away, The clear ring of his shield hitting the floor and he could see it the darkness creeping in. The way it was stopping the pain from screaming from every part of his body, how he could no longer smell the blood and sweat that covered both of their bodies. 

Buckys legs gave out under him and the last thing he saw before complete darkness, was the crisp white snow, a man dressed in black and a plane waiting for them. 

——————

It was an agonising two weeks laying around, healing as quickly as his body did. Steve would sit with him and talk about the old times, tell him about all the things that had happened in the world. He would look at pictures of the lives he had missed growing up, the way he could touch the faces of Angie and Peggy and all their children. Watch fat come and go, the grey of their hair start to form and the swell of bellies through pregnancy. 

He listened to music Steve had grown to enjoy. Watched as Steve looked at him, almost waiting or him to be healed enough to try and work out what they could do. He would jump when they took blood, look down at his one hand while they spoke to him and he knew they were further ahead than another place was. 

Bucky almost cried every time he saw Steves face after he had talked to doctors outside of his room. He knew right then that there was nothing they could do right now, that no matter how healed his body was; his mind wouldn’t get there for sometime. Closing his eyes he knew that he had to go under again, so that they could try everything they needed too without him possibly trying to kill everyone near him. 

Thats when Steve walked in and he smiled. 

He was perfectly healed now, he could feel it in every part of his body. Reaching up he pulled Steve down, pulling their lips back together and he licked into his mouth. Tasting everything he could, the bit and sucked on Steves lips. He felt like was kissing him for the first time and he wouldn’t ever stop. 

Grabbing at him, he pulled him down over him and felt his things press against the outside of him. Hands gripped at the vest he was wearing, his hand grabbed out and clutched at Steves hip; pulling Steves hips down against his. Grinding their hips together and he could hear how their breathing got harder and deeper. How the blood rushed down, how they started to swell against each other. And he had to pull back and breath; listen as Steve groaned. 

Steve leaned back, grinding his hips down against him. His head flew back against his pillows, mouth open and panting. He couldn’t stop himself pulling Steves hips down against him. Grinding up into Steves ass, feeling how the wetness coming out of Steve was starting to seep through the thin pants he was wearing. He was doing this for Steve like he had before and he needed for their skin to be toughing. 

He forced himself to pull his hand from Steves hip. Sat up just enough so that he could pull the shirt over his head, pull at the bottom of Steves shirt. Watching as his eyes lit up and he pulled it over his head, dropping off the bed with Buckys. Before smirking down at him and throwing his head back as he ground down on Bucky and breathed out the feeling that had Bucky wanting to just be inside of him. 

“Please Steve.” Bucky whimpered, hoping that he knew what Bucky was asking him for. Which he knew he did when Steve looked down at him, biting at his own lip and brushing his fingers down Buckys cheek. 

Steve moved off of him and smiled, pulling his sweatpants down his legs. The right then, he looked at Steves thighs and saw the slick running down him; and all he could think about was that it was so foreign to see Steve so easily ready for him. Nothing like he had been before the war, how it used to take him so long to be ready for Bucky if they weren’t using slick of any kind. 

Pushing his own pants down, he licked his lips thinking about how at that moment he would be completely okay with whatever Steve wanted. If Steve wanted to be inside him, he would give him anything he wanted but what Steve wanted he would get. 

But then he was on top of him. Steve pulled his fingers to him, to feel the wetness coming from him and he knew that this was what Steve wanted. Steve pulled his hand right to where he wanted it. Then he let Steve ride his fingers, adding one whenever he needed it, when he wanted to feel Bucky so deep inside of him. 

Bucky wasn’t even looking at him, just feeling inside of Steve as he clenched down on each finger and how the slick ran down his hand collected in his palm. He needed to be inside and right then, Steve raised up and his hand came free. Jerking himself off quickly and then gripping so tightly at the base, he couldn't cum unless Steve wanted him too. 

So he moved his hand, touching Steve right where he bit him and watching Steve shake ever so slightly. The he felt it, the tight wet hotness that was being inside of Steve. Watching as he moved down him, how his hands clenched tightly to his pecks and before Bucky was even ready for him to start moving he was. Head thrown back, moaning and grinding down. 

Licking at his lips and wanting to grab at him. He pulled Steve down by his neck, fixing their lips together. Tasting the salt on his tongue. Feeling the way his hips moved against his own, nothing could beat the way he was feeling. Nothing was as great as the first time he had mated with Steve, but this was them trusting each other, loving each other and mating. 

It was coming faster than he would ever have wanted. 

His knot was getting ready to pop. 

Then it was happening. He was biting into Steves neck and tasting blood. Pleasure was screaming through his body from his neck, and his knot popped. He was stuck in Steve essentially rebonding with him, making everything feel as real as it had for him in years. Like colours were bright and feelings were real. 

——————

An hour later and he was sat on a bench. Clean and clothed. 

Steve was looking like he was loosing everything but completely understood what was happening. He smiled and stood walking into the pod, looking at Steve and biting his lip. He couldn’t believe he was leaving him, but he knew it was better. 

Then the cold came over and it was black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am legit drunk. Hence why there smut in this, so if it is horrible and has a lot spelling mistakes blame it on the wine. Hope you liked it so message me here or at [My blog](http://thestuckynation.tumblr.com)


	5. Out Of The Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is like sorta about that end credits scene from Black Panther.

It burned different. His heart beating fast and the smell of ice filled his nostrils and logically he knew he was waking up. But he was still stuck in that mind-space of before. His body locking up into the good perfect killing machine he had before. Even if waking up lacked the pain of all the times before, the rapid heating up and going to clench his hands. 

He turned quickly to his left and looked down, there was nothing there. It was lighter and looking out the glass, he saw a girl bouncing about smiling. He had no clue who she was but her smile was contagious and his lip pulled up at the corner. She was staring at him, hands pressed together over her mouth and looking just above his head as if waiting for a sign. He could just tell from the face she made that she had made a high pitched squeal. 

He could still remember his little sisters making the same face and noise when he had bought them dresses to go out dancing in. 

Looking down and trying not to think about it too much. But all he could think about was that his sisters could be out there, thinking he was some bad guy or worse not knowing that he was alive. Thinking he had died so long ago or worse they could be dead. Gone. Like dust in the wind. Tears were falling down his cheeks and he wanted nothing more than to go back and pull them to him and hug them. Listen as they complained about him messing up their dresses and hair. 

“Sargent Barnes.” The girl spoke, her face bright with a smile and even though he could see her being confused at the tears streaming down his face, “Sorry we had you in the cold for so long. My brother was trying to be a superhero.” She smirked and winked at him. And he couldn’t help the laugh that fell from his lips. 

“But we can talk about my dramatic brother while we check you up.” She walked away towards a table, she waved him up on it. She started babbling about everything that had happened over the past few days and mentioning that Steve had gone off trying to save the others from some prison in the middle of the ocean, and if it wasn’t for the fact she had asked him to stay as still as possible. His head would be very much in his hands. 

Breathing out, “Steve is going to be the death of me.” Bright eyes darted up to him and white teeth shone in the low blue tinted light. 

Chuckling slightly, “Tell me about it. I do everything to keep him safe and yet i am always having to come up with odder things to stop him getting blown up.” Looking him dead in the eyes and saying it like it was the single most annoying thing she had to deal with, “While he was in Korea, he jumped on top of a grenade. Who does that?!” 

Leaning back on his hand and letting his eyes close, “Steve did that once. Before he got all big, when he was little scrappy Steve Rogers from Brooklyn.” 

“Our favourite people are idiots. Brave people, but idiots.” 

Humming with agreement, Bucky stood and followed her as she walked out of the small room. People passed and looked at him, the man walking in bare feet and how with every person passing he lowered his eyes further and further till he was watching his own feet take a step at a time. He didn’t even listen to Shuri, what she was talking about or even where she was taking him. 

He jolted when he bumped into her back. She turned and took his hand, Bucky let his eyes wonder round the room and stopped. His body thrummed with fear. There was a chair with a tray of little beads next to it, it was bringing him back to a time that honest to God scared him more than he could ever believe. Her eyes looked right at him and he knew just from the small twitch in her face, that she could understand his fear. 

But he still followed her while she guided him to sit in the chair, which unlike the ones before he let his body sink into. It was completely comfortable and he knew it shouldn’t help but even the small change in the way the seat felt, calmed him a little. 

She started talking a mile a minute, touching his face gently. Turning it and placing the beads all over his face, she clucked her tongue and caught his eye. “Your hairs in the way, I’m just going to…” she wiggled her fingers and started to pull his hair out of his face. “Much better, now you just look like a bearded hipster from New York.” She laughed at he could honestly say, that she was so much like Becky before he left. Sweet, smart and funny. Like the best little sister. 

She sat down on a stool and smiled, “So while we do this.” she waved her hands in front of her face, “I want you to think of happy memories. Ones from before the metal arm, before the war. Anything happy. So close your eyes.” 

And he did, let them fall shut and tried to bring back happy memories. 

——————

He woke up to Becky smiling up at him, the smell of icey cold winter filled his nose and rich hot cooking turkey. He licked his lips and she laughed, pulling him by the hand and he stumbled down the stairs after her. 

His dad looked up from his chair next to the fire, wrapped up in his dressing gown and sipping a cup of steaming hot coffee. He winked at him and went back to reading the paper, it was Christmas morning and he could hear all the shouting coming from the kitchen his mum and sister fighting over the way potatoes should be cooked and over pumpkin or apple pie. 

“JAMES IS UP! JAMES IS UP! WE CAN OPEN PRESENTS NOW!” Becky screamed as she ran into the kitchen. He couldn’t stop laughing laying down in front of the fire, his Dad shook his head at his sisters antics but put the paper down. 

Seconds later he was crushed his sisters all on top of him. Screaming about how they had to wait hours for him to wake up, his dad shook his head and his mum smiled over the back of his armchair. Rocking his head back he watched his sisters rip into their presents, there wasn’t many and they weren’t big but they made his sisters light up. 

“OPEN YOUR PRESENT JAMES!!!” Becky squealed while bouncing on his stomach. The crisp paper ripping slightly in her excited hands and his caught her on her sides. “Open it…” she trailed off. Her lip quivered and she stared him right in the eyes. 

“You open it.” He smiled at her, “It’s a sweater anyway.” 

The sudden thump of a present hitting him in the face really did shock him, he blinked rapidly and heard everyone else in the room burst out laughing. He looked at Beckys little frowning face, opening his mouth to ask what she did that for. “You are not meant to open your presents before James! Santa gets angry! He won’t bring you more!” 

Paper fell round his head like snow. He closed his eyes. 

——————

Opening them again, he found his face pressed into a crop of short blond hair. The smell was wondrous and sweet, a sharp elbow to the side had him jolting fully awake and rolling away from Steve. 

“Finally he gets the idea.” Steve grouched as he got out of bed, shuffling across the creaky floor boards. Bucky can’t do anything but listen as Steve makes his way through their two room apartment. He hears the tell tale grumble of Steve when he realises Bucky did not clean up after dinner and the squeal of the door opening so the hallway. 

Running his hand through his recently cut hair, he clambered out of bed. It was only minutes till Steve would be back and he wanted to clean up a little and make a start on their pitiful excuse for breakfast. Shoving dishes into the skin and filling it with icy cold water, he knew it would be an easy clean with only crumbs on plates and coffee stained cups. 

Looking in the cold box, he saw a slice of bacon and dripping left. Breathing out he lit the flame on the stove top; started to heat a pan for bacon and one for water. Grimacing as he hurriedly scrubbed plates and cups, his fingers felt like they were going to fall off in the small amount of time they were in the water. Shaking them slightly, he pulled the one sad piece of bacon they could afford that week. 

Licking his lips at the sound of bacon sizzling as it hit the pan, Steve walked back through the door. He looked at him and the smile forming on his lips slid down a little. His nose was pink which wasn’t surprising with the temperature difference of the hall, but Buckys knit sweater was pulled tight round his body. 

Moving so his hand was cupping Steves jaw, he felt the skin cool and not roasting hot like he feared. A raised eyebrow told him he had become a worrywart again, “There was ice coating the bottom on the tub.” Steve frowned, “No way we are getting washed today.” He moved to slump against the counter, staring with wide eyes at the bacon and even licking his lips. 

Bucky couldn’t stop his eyes from finally dragging over Steves still sleep rumpled appearance. He still had creases on his face from the pillow, thick socks covering his feet and ankles. He had to take a breath, Steve honestly didn’t know what he did to him sometimes. The bare thighs leading to threadbare undershorts and Buckys thick sweater. 

He shoved the pan off the stove, killed the heat and rounded on Steve. He knew he was looming over him and his eyes would be glowing with thoughts, that wouldn’t be hard to read from hundred miles away. 

“Buck…” Steve started to say but Bucky was kissing him before he could even finish his name. His hands holding onto Steves angular jaw. Sucking and biting at his lips not even trying to part them, Bucky was driving himself as mad as he would Steve. Hands scrabbled across his bare back. Short nails digging in and trying to pull the body they were attached to up and closer. 

But Bucky kept holding himself back. 

Just kissing Steve, pressing close and running fingers through soft hair. Hands shoved at him, Steve pushing him down onto the ripped couch and hands digging into his shoulders. Steve looked like the devil right at that second. His eyes glowing in the low light of the morning and his scent just filling the small room. Steve pushed Buckys shorts off, looking out the window and smirking. And God he could imagine Mrs. Pickering looking in to see Steve; hair rumpled and the way Bucky was laying on the couch. 

His hands ran up Steves thighs, feeling coarse blond hair and chilled pale skin. Fingers slipping up. The skin softer and paler than he thought, Steves hands fisted his hair and pulled his head back tightly. Dry lips dragged along his neck, his fingers dug into skin and hips rocked at a barley there rhythm against him. The smell of slick filled the air and he knew his cock jumped against Steves ass. 

Because a deep laugh filled the room, Steve knew Bucky was much more worked up than he was. 

“Bet you would get off.” Steve hummed in his ear, “Bet I could do this for hours and you would let me. My sweet alpha.” And Bucky couldn’t stop the groan leaving his lips or the way his fingers would be digging deep bruises into Steves thighs. 

His grip on his hair disappeared and he looked at Steve. Who raised up on his knees and looked down at him. Swallowing loudly, he reached for the band of Steves shorts, pulling them down and letting Steve get them off. They dropped on the wooden floor with a soft noise and Steve placed Buckys hands back on the bruises already forming. 

“Watch me.” Steves voice rumbled. 

And Bucky did. 

He watched as Steve brought a hand round, watched as he slipped a finger in himself and groaned. He could hear the noise of the finger almost pulling slick from Steve, felt the way it dripped from Steves thighs to his own. He counted as Steve slowly slipped fingers in, but he never touched. 

He felt like the air was punched out of him as Steve lowered himself down. He was sure he would be done with one shift of Steves hips. Then it happened Steve just went for it, lost in the way that Bucky had felt since the start. 

He could hear the sounds of his pants and groans. He had always been loud. Wanting to talk about how good Steve was and he didn’t want to hold back. 

“You are so good to me Steve.” He bit his lip, “Letting me be in you. Letting me be with you.” Opening his eyes and focusing on Steve again, “All I could think about was getting you on your back across the table, getting my mouth on you and eating you. Just wanted to get my tongue in you and make you scream.”

The way his hips moved faster with each word, drove him mad. He could only just see the way he was in Steve, a glimpse of his cock coming out of Steve. It was maddening. All Bucky wanted to do was push the sweater further up, just see Steve. 

Teeth dug into collarbone and he froze under Steve, he was coming just from that feeling altogether. He knew this meant that Steve had cum, he always bit Bucky and left his mark. He slumped down on his chest, fingers curled around his collarbone. And Bucky wrapped his arms round Steves waist and breathed. 

Breakfast would be cold and they would probably get sick from sleeping out here, but he didn’t care. 

——————

“Lovely.” Shuri drawled and moved away, she tapped away and smiled. “Sargent Barnes, lets get you out of here and into somewhere you can get better.” 

The walk out of the labs was much better, he started to hear people talking and laughing. Saw as groups of strong woman marched past and people stood about talking in different languages. It was so different and Bucky felt his lips pulling up. Nothing seemed to be bothering these people even after a civil war had almost begun. 

“I am taking you to on of our specialists” Shuri said and grabbed his hand, “She knows exactly what to do now after all the scans. Has it all worked out.” 

He found himself being transported to a small house, it was by the lake and several children ran up to him. Dragging him by the hand to one of the smaller houses, chatting at him and about him he guessed. He frowned slightly as they would look at him and utter the same excited words. And he knew they were not his name. 

Bucky turned to look at Shuri, she was smiling like a proud mother sending their child into school for the first day and watching as they made friends. 

She spoke to the children softly, while crouching down to be the same height as them. She flicked her eyes up to him and smiled, “They have given you a nickname Sargent Barnes.” Bucky tipped his head, “White Wolf.” 

She shooed the children off and left him, to stand and stare at the water. 

So he was finally going to get a bit better, no more eating all the plums he could find or tying himself down at night. Some woman was going to get him sorted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I was done after the last chapter apparently not. I am even ready to write the part about Infinity War, but i am likely going to change how it goes depending on how the film is. Cuz like the effort of dealing with loads of characters is daunting and kinda horrible.  
> So if you want to talk uh find me here [My blog](http://thestuckynation.tumblr.com)


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